Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Saturday

Actually written the following Wednesday - but today should be the day that time and space come together and allow us to live in the present again.

The trip up was fast and easy compared to the days when I had to compete with workday traffic.I deliberately left early and enjoyed a quick breakfast at the convent and it was nice to share a quiet start to the day with those in residence. Matins was lovely as usual, - quiet and reflective. Though the morning weather looked promising, we were suddenly deluged with rain that turned to hail - noisy blessings.



The plan for the day was somewhat different. We gathered briefly in the chapel as usual for brief instructions. This was the day that the discussion groups were to bring back suggestions for the future of SSJD and how it might respond to the needs of the wider community. We were to return to the chapel at 10:45 with our reports.

Margaret briefed us and reminded us of the image of the tree of life. I particularly like that one because I used it in the Quiet Saturday reflection I gave earlier in the year - one of the oblates who re-committed herself on the Feast of St. John had mapped a similar one, which she had placed on the altar for all to see. The roots of the tree, Margaret said, are prayer, courage and compassion and they are watered by grace. The SSJD tree also has particular branches that bear fruit. It is now time to harvest the fruit and develop a particular "salad" to be served with delight. Like all creatures we are given energy to create it.

Sister Elizabeth Ann, responding to the weather also reminded us that John literally meant "Son of Thunder". She encouraged us to release that energy through "Big Bodacious Holy Dreams". This reminded me of the book by a writer who has always identified herself by her initials, S.A.R.K. who uses the word, "bodacious", in one of her books and is herself a living example of life transformation.



One of the participants in our discussion group showed us a picture that she had earlier also passed on to Margaret, showing that some oysters produce not just one pearl but a multitude of them. She has kindly sent it through so you can see it for yourselves - an inspiration to use a multitude of gifts.



The small groups met and returned to the Chapel after a very short coffee break. There was a wealth of ideas, all written on large sheets and mounted on both sides of the seating - serving as an offering. Many of the small groups had come to the same conclusions, particularly with extending knowledge of the value and contribution of the relgious life. You will have to forgive me for not taking notes on this session and I will simply highlight some of the ideas of my own group. Along with other groups, we thought that promotion is an area where associates and oblates can play a wider role in their parishes. There were hopes for a "religious orders day" to become part of the church calendar. We recognized that we needed to be more inviting. Associates outside the Greater Toronto area had greater needs to assemble and support one another and keep in touch. The geographic zones of the order might be reviewed because they corresponded to the country's, rather than the actual proximity of people. We wanted to add the religious life to subject matter for study groups forming part of parish programs. The most receptive to adding them would be priest associates and they provide a place to start. We also hoped that the religious life could become an option in discernment programs as well as educating candidates about the order at the beginning of their process of seeking ordination. There were also ideas about planting seeds, by speaking to groups of women, young and old, who currently had affiliations outside the church, such as professional or social organizations.

Sometimes the best messages come in pictures not words. As each group was asked to stand and identify themselves one group produced signs bearing the number 12 - harking back to Margaret's address about discipleship. Clearly they had signed on. I was able to get a couple of them to pose later.



We were then off to a silent dinner. There was a brief break but no walking outdoors as rain teemed down. By now we enjoyed talking with new friends and having a last look at the tempting books in the corridor.



Then it was time for Margaret's final address. Just before that happened participants were asked to assemble the lovely plants that had graced the common areas on the marble table in the refectory and invited to take one of the living stones in the font with them as a keepsake. Then Margaret began her address entitled, More is Less.

In our protectiveness we are often unwilling to take risks. But she related a story of a religious community of women who did. They allowed a rather rough and tumble group of boys to spend a day at the convent. Though apprehensive throughout the visit, the sisters' risk taking was rewarded by one of the boys saying on departure, "Ive never heard silence before - or heard a bird sing".

It's always her stories that make Margaret's point. Another concerned the game of 'pass the parcel'- a children's game rather like musical chairs, except children pass a package from one to another. When the music stops, the child holding it gets to unwrap a layer. There is a lot of expectation through the various stages and usually the gift in the final layer is quite small - a prize on the inside wrapped in layers of less. It reminded her though of a ruse played on a monastic, where after peeling off many layers, he found a Bible. He had the last laugh though with his immediate response - "I've read it!".

In another incident she was on a bus, where a passenger didn't have a fare in the correct currency. Another passenger simply stepped up and paid it. The one in trouble protested mightily and wanted her to take the other currency in exchange. Watching, Margaret noted how hard it is for many of us to receive when we can't pay it back. The only solution is to pay it forward.

If less is more, it requires stripping away what we have acquired and moving closer to the core of our being. This is a process that continues throughout our lives when the final unpacking comes with death itself. In hindsight, we have to discern how we have come closer to the core through loving choices, and continue them. Margaret related how during a particularly painful period in her own life she had attended a Holy Week retreat and returned to her room to find that the last petal of a bouquet of sweet peas had finally fallen. It seemed to mirror her own desolation until she saw that what remained was a seed pod that could be transformed into new life.

Finally those who know the pain connected with birthing might ignore the fact that the process isn't any picnic for the baby either. It has existed in a comfort zone where food is continually available, the temperature is steady and the heartbeat is comforting. Suddenly the baby is pushed and squeezed into a new world where its food supply is rather violently cut off, the temperature is cold and the heart beat disappears. But it is also a world of blazing light - where new warmth is found in human arms, where new food is offered with increasing variety - Margaret earlier talked about telling her granddaughter what fun it is to be able to turn a small jar of pureed cauliflower and cheese into a little girl - and where many new hearts beat to surround the child with love. The entry to planet earth places us in new relationship. It feels like loss initially but leads to life.

We venture out moving from one stepping stone to another. In a dream, Margaret imagined herself trying to cross a fast flowing river of life and needing stepping stones ot ensure her passage. Suddenly a boulder appeared and then another which ensured her passage. She wondered where the boulders were coming from and then realized they were being removed from her former house.

We have to let go and leave some things behind. The bridge to the future may require relinquishing huge and familiar traditions and the need to deconstruct and reshape them. A good experience in a secular training course found her resisting leaving because the place felt good. But the solution was to walk forward with open and empty hands, not clinging, confident that more would come, internalizing what was best in the experience to add to the person she already was.

We are, like the participants in the skit, weaving a web of who we are. It has to be based on the kind of trust that we remember Mary in the Angelus had in which she staked everything. Like her, we are called by name and our previous life will never return. It's scary to go forward without fear. But we can be a little like the long distance truck driver who turned his engine on for his first trip in a dark night and realized that he could see only fifty yards ahead. He was about to embark on a trip of 7,250 km across the country. The only solution is to start to move - because the light travels with us.

The final eucharist was preceded by a musical offering from Sister Ann and Dan Norman. I noted especially Sister Thelma Anne's pleasure in the music as they played demanding repertoire exceptionally well - and it was fun to see Dan give Sr. Ann a small hug in recognition of her talent as they acknowledged the applause of the crowd. The celebrant and preacher for the eucharist was Bishop Linda Nichols, Area Bishop of Trent-Durham in the Diocese of Toronto, and an Associate and long time friend of the SSJD Community. I have the privilege of working with Linda on a national task force - in fact I am meeting with her later today - and rejoice in her life giving energy as she celebrates. The elements cooperated beautifully when she said "Listen to the Wind" - and in the silence we heard a powerful rushing that was spirit filled. She also anticipated the Sunday lections summarizing so well the role of vines and branches that we have been immersed in for this amazing week.



We went to the refectory for one last talking supper. There were thank you's, leave takings and introductions of the planning group and an incredible sense of gratitude for all that we had been able to experience and share. Volunteers were invited to accept one of the plants as a thank you. One of them now graces my dining room table as a lingering reminder of the Gathering Experience.



I'll care for it as best I can. It will inevitably reach a stage when it will have to return to the earth - as will we all. But the core of The Gathering Experience will act as a stepping stone as we continue the journey.

I want to thank all those who have travelled the week with me for their kind remarks. Once they unpack both suitcases and the experience itself I hope they will add their comments. I was amused at how many people were reading the blog as the week progressed. Where were all those computers hidden? We seem a bit like tourists who spend the whole time reading the guide book - and I confess to sometimes being one of them - instead of looking at the place where we are. Why don't you write your own blog, I sometimes hoped.

I'll have a writing vacation for now. But I will want to share the debriefing meeting that is coming up in a couple of weeks. Please feel free to add your own thoughts and ideas. The Gathering journey, after all, is really just beginning.

Blessings
Norah Bolton

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

A Friday Postcript - Part 4


I should have turned to page two of my notes - those with good memories or better notes might have noticed that I omitted a story or two from Margaret's afternoon session. So here they are.

She asked us to discern in the afternoon discussion group where humanization was happening and what were the positive signs of it. How can we avoid the danger elements. It's too bad that there aren't yellow caution signs and red warning signs in life as well as in traffic. She was reminded of her daughter's graduation when the college president asked each grad what he or she was going to do next? One said that she was going to become a leading neurosurgeon. Another answered, "I'm going to walk down three steps". Both are correct answers, - we are more apt to side with the second answer though, rather than face up to the demands of the longer journey.



Margaret has participated in some quintessential Canadian experiences, - like being in a canoe. She was paddling around happily on a small Algonquin Park lake and was later fascinated to hear that one could paddle from the St. Lawrence to Alberta, by means of a path called "portage". Her French was good enough to interpret it.

How does one accomplish it, she wondered. By trial and error. She finally discovered that one found the path ultimately by walking it. First nations people did ultimately provide a shorthand though. They looked for the tallest pine near the path and stripped off the lower branches so that all the energy would go to the top and provide a way.

The portages on Lake Homo Sapiens have to provide a path travelled single file but along with others. And of course as soon as you up end the canoe, everything in it spills out. One has to travel light and shed excess baggage. There is no signage or corporate head office but always somewhere to go. Stripped and marked, Jesus promises I am the Way, - but the way is not the same as the destination. That is ours to find.

Friday - Part 3

The disconnect in real time continues. It is now Tuesday, - and after a day that the other grandchildren and their parents routinely spend with me on Monday, life has calmed down again. After taking the car in to repair a missing headlight, it's quiet and time to finish Friday, -after all, it is more than a week since this journey started.

The midday Eucharist was originally to be celebrated by the Primate, Fred Hiltz, but he had to send his regrets when the Council of General Synod required him to make a presentation. Pinch hitting for him was Bishop Gordon Light, newly retired from the Diocese of the Central Interior, and now the Chaplain to the Staff at Church House, the Anglican National Office. It was a wonderful reunion for me personally, because I first met Gordon in 1963 when he was a keen guitar playing teenager, who performed what we thought was the Canadian Premiere of the American Folk Mass at All Saints Westboro in the Diocese of Ottawa, where my husband had just been appointed curate. I remember that my three year old could sing the entire Creed because of the catchy tune - and knowing my son Michael's musical memory, he probably still can. The other invention of Gordon and his banjo playing musical partner Don Manders was to set "The Lord's My Shepherd I'll not want" to the tune of "The Happy Wanderer" - and substitute - "He lives, He lives, He lives, I know that my Redeemer lives, He Lives, He Lives, He lives within my heart. You can hum along as you read this.

Gordon still plays the guitar and accompanied us on one of his own Hymns - "Draw the Circle Wider. We also sang " Ask or Imagine" and were reminded of his musical gifts to the whole church.

At the beginning of his homily, Gordon asked us to pray for his friend and fellow musician of the Common Cup Quartet, Jim Ulrich. Jim is in hospital seriously ill, and it reminds him of the precariousness of human life. Our individual lives, which seem so important are always on the edge of crumbling into nothing, but we are like the little thing he then showed us - a tiny sliver of hazelnut which is an image of God the creator, who made it loves it and looks after us. He also noted that he had retrieved it in the morning from his granola.

He then reminisced about something he noticed in the past in One Hundred Mile House in BC - the place resonated with me immediately because I have been there visiting one of my nieces. He took a walk "on the wild side" and noticed a broken chunk of asphalt in the driveway. Intrigued by what had caused it, - water?, a jack hammer? - he traced the source to a day lily that had poked a very determined head right through the cement. Life, he concluded, cannot be stopped. Dandelions and thistles have the same power. This provides the insight that one way or another, we will last.

Like Philip, we have trouble seeing it. Jesus reminded him, - "Who sees me, sees the Father. In a life that is also fragile, the Father gives us Jesus. All indeed shall be well.

After lunch, rain prevented a walk. I found a comfortable sofa in the sitting room just beside the guest house rear entry, stretched out and shut my eyes for about 15 minutes. While we had tried to be reasonable in planning the schedule, I was more than ready to agree that there was not enough time for rest and reflection. We moved back to the Chapel for 2:30 to hear Margaret's next address which was titled. "More than Homo Sapiens".

She started by asking us how far we had come in the journey of humanization. Her first story detailed the experience of an aboriginal Australian chief who died. His followers wanted him buried in the local Roman Catholic cemetery, but the priest refused, "spitting feathers" - this is a UK-ism that Margaret has taught us - and it is pretty self explanatory. The followers accepted the decision and buried their chief outside the fence of the cemetery - but they returned later in the night and moved the fence to include the new gravesite. Fences can always be moved to "draw the circle wider".

As she has done so well in her book, Root and Wings, Margaret took us through the journey when eons ago, man became bi-pedal and upright. Four year old Benjamin got it yesterday, when I talked to him about this and he said, "So then we got hands". Perhaps about 200,000 years ago our brains increased by three times in volume and landed us with the biggest cerebral cortex in the animal kingdom. As hunter/gatherers we had to learn collaboration to survive and started to enter relationship. It was the beginning of community but also opened up the shadow of individuality that sought to go its own way. We'd entered the doorway of the garden of the knowledge of good and evil.

Perhaps 40,000 years ago we entered the mystery of spiritual evolution - indigenous communities have always sensed it well and continue to challenge our own truncated sense of it.

Then about 4,000 years ago we entered the realm of religions and the prophets. Margaret noted that some of us are still stuck in their outdated cosmology where God is viewed as coming down or dropping in. The truth is that God has always been here, however aware or unaware we may be. Sometimes we fear whether another day will come. Her prescription when we feel this way is "Call Australia - because it is already another day there". Similarly we rejoice when the daffodils come again - as they are in Toronto now - even though they have come in England or BC several months ago, - conveniently forgetting that they have always been there. They are just being revealed in a new way. For the last 2,000 years we have been blessed with a sense of a new season of growth that emerges when the time is right. We might be still in the spiritual playpen, but we are given beatitudes, parables, pictures, powerful experiences of circles of friends.

So how is the human family actually doing? The invitation is "Follow me" - which suggests footprints. It might also suggest uncovering mystery, transparency and vulnerability and moving past the many spin doctors in our environment. It also suggests value shifts, - accepting failure and vulnerability, taking risks, accepting mystery, choosing service over control, interdependence over independence, wisdom over knowledge.

The resources for this journey come not only from the legacy of the Gospels,the Desert Fathers and Mothers and others throughout the ages, but they also come from the footprints of modern prophets and mystics of our own time like John Bell, who haven't yet eaten a Big Mac or owned an I-Pod. We also need to look at modern science where many thinkers are respecting the mystery of the universe by seeing the beauty in chaos theory and the sense of our earth as a living organism.

Margaret ended with the story of an African woman, who when asked how she would like to be remembered said that she wanted to be known for "Spending it All". This wasn't an attempt to avoid inheritance tax, but to use all the gifts and leave a footprint that points the way. We were then pointed toward our discussion group to ponder these things.

When we reassembled for Evening Prayer, we had a Taize service. It was greatly enhanced by the music of organist Dan Norman and Sr. Ann (Norman) - though they are not related and we were quickly able to join in the music by ear if our reading skills were deficient, as mine are. We were also offered an anointing for healing, which many of us took advantage of. Several of the sisters and associates are trained to offer this special ministry which is so welcome and needed.

After a silent supper, we reassembled in the refectory for an evening of entertainment. It soon became evident that we made a great choice in inviting Fr. Tim Elliot to be a combined entertainer and MC. Tim is a gifted jazz pianist as well as a parish priest and consultant and he uses all these gifts to draw people together. It wasn't long before he had us singing "Side by Side" - and in keys far friendlier to older voices than those of the soprano-challenged of the chapel services. Our pitch in the lower keys improved dramatically.

The programme proceeded with a presentation by the Sisters of the Life of the foundress of the order, Mother Hanna. Sister Elizabeth narrated and others took turns in reading excerpts from her life and diaries. They reminded us of the courage and hardships of this amazing woman and her early sisters in responding to calls for service. Mother Hanna's wry sense of humour obviously got her through many trials and tribulations, - and some of ours seem modest in comparison. I hope that these could be published so that all of you could share them. The presentation followed with a lovely meditative improvisation on the piano by an associate, which seemed to tie it together and provide a reflective segue to the rest of the entertainment.

And entertaining it was. My digital camera gave up the ghost at this point, but if you go to the convent website and go to the picture section for Day 4. You will see a nice picture of Tim at the piano on the SSJD website plus one of several the singing and dancing groups - beams of sunlight as I remember it, in their nice yellow T-Shirts. How did they ever round up enough in the same colour? They had been preceded by another one singing new words to the tune of "Jesus Loves Me" so we could all join in - and they had neat signs for SSJD and the keywords of the order which came up on cue in the front and back rows. Margaret then took centre stage with the reciting of the tale of Albert Ramsbottom in appropriate Midlands accent and then it was my group's turn.

As I announced to the crowd, this was a challenging group to work with because they didn't want to do anything when I announced the assignment on Wednesday morning. A couple of them had offered to sit and knit - so I had to go with that. They somewhat reluctantly agreed to do a kind of cat's cradle tossing wool back and forth - and I promised to write a few lines of doggerel that the crowd could sing while they watched them. It sounded pretty lame. But the two singing groups that preceded us sang so well that I invited them back to form a choir during the proceedings, which they were surprisingly willing to do. Tim was giving them a lead into the tune of On Top of Old Smokey and after failing to bring them in, they came in by themselves and sang a ballad of the Gathering. I was able to retreat to the piano and play along with Tim. You can see us doing so on the above link as well.

Other acts followed which showed imagination and style. There was an invitation to join in the dance of "He's got the Whole World in His Hands" - and we did. Etched in my memory is Sister Patricia, one of the planning group, singing and dancing her heart out - I suspect by now that she doesn't regret paying for it with sore knees the next day. Most of the participants - excellent women, as Barbara Pym would describe them - and sisters, associates and oblates, look alikes in their Tilley skirts which some days almost seemed like a uniform - danced and sang enthusiastically.

After an invitation from a lovely poem, Why Not Fly, we were treated to a video campfire. There had been some signs of life in the kitchen and what suddenly came out were S'Mores, a perfect ending to a joy filled and entertaining night. Apologies to those whose wonderful entertainment acts, I have forgotten to mention. Please add yours in the comments if I have neglected them.

Friday - Part 2

This gets complicated because Friday is now in reality, Sunday, and I have returned from a Mother's Day brunch with my daughter in law, grandson and grandaughter preceded by morning service at my own parish church. Ariel, who will be five on June 1, had made me a Mother's Day card on behalf of her father who was away working in Orlando. The artwork, as you can see, is more than one could ask or imagine.



But it is time to fill you in on a busy and fun filled Friday.

Toronto has been filled with changeable weather ever since The Gathering started. I left in the rain and tried a different route straight up Yonge Street. This should be the busiest route of all - after all it becomes the highway that ultimately ends in Thunder Bay - but it was a better route and I arrived in time for Morning Prayer.




I haven't commented on the service booklets that greeted us for the morning and evening office, but they were a great help since they provided the canticles and lections for each day and made them easy to follow.They seem so straightforward but one has to recognize with gratitude that they take hours and hours to pull together. After a brief break we were again ready to hear from Margaret.

She did not disappoint. Her theme for the morning was "More than Discipleship?". Noting that the disciples might have seemed strange choices of people to go fishing for men and women (My late husband always told his small sons that he was busy "fishing people"), but she reminded us that they were already good at fishing for fish. She had been a technical writer when she was later led to realize that she could use her gifts in a new way. God had definitely given her something more interesting to write about. She also led us in a secret about computer manuals that we have failed to understand. "Neither did we!!", she said.

A disciple is essentially a learner, one who learns attitudes and values. Like her doctor daughter, we learn by reading, studying, observing and even interning. But ultimately we are sent out. We too have a mission to participate in to realize the dream of God for the world.

Margaret took us back to the time in the early church where a replacement had to be found for Judas to bring the number of apostles back to 12. The job requirements are rather stringent. It has to be someone who knows Jesus intimately - and that means more than just knowing about him. It has to be someone who has walked beside him in the journey from the annunciation to Pentecost. It has to be someone who witnessed the resurrection - and it has to be someone who is prepared to advance the good news to the afflicted, set free the captives, give sight to the blind,lift the burdens of the oppressed, and proclaim God's love and forgiveness to all. No one can be forgiven for initially responding to this, "Who - ME?"

But that is precisely what WE are asked to do. It's a tall order. It is audacious to think that we would even try. but we were reminded that we can do these things for others because we know them from being recipients of all of them at some point in our own lives. Her stories give the proof.

Her own very small daughter noticed that she was deeply upset one day. Margaret herself had withdrawn, not wanting to upset the child as well and had retired to her room. But the tiny girl followed her anyway and saw her mother in tears. She left the room and returned to her mother with her favourite teddy bear. Margaret remarked on the complete love and trust that the little girl had, even before she could speak that the favorite toy would provide solace - and she didn't even know that in giving the gift that she would ever get it back. Sometimes we are able to take our blinkers off and take risks.

Another story concerned a family who liked to go to the beach in Africa, - but the same beach was frequently inhabited by baboons. So they built a cage for themselves and limited their own space in spite of thinking that they were now safe. Sometimes we are also imprisoned by fear or poverty and small acts can let us out of the cage. What we get in life is lots of "on the job" training that makes it possible to give to others experiences that we ourselves have received. So we were challenged to make our own response as Number 12, - which we did in our small group discussion.

At the beginning I was quietly reminded that we might be straying away from the admonition about group discussion that we had been given when we started, - It comes from Parker Palmer and it suggests "No fixing, no saving, no advising, no setting one another straight". It's a useful one for the whole of life.

We still haven't finished Friday - so that there will have to be more to come.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Friday - Julian of Norwich


While I promised that I wouldn't post anything from Friday, I'll include a couple of items before getting on the road. Saturday traffic should provide a quicker trip than the earlier ones. Pictures also are worth a thousand words. As you can see, one participant knew how to dress for the occasion.

I also want to return to Christal Joy's pin and its story - in her own words. She also dressed for the occasion and it was wonderful to see her on Friday morning.



Here is the story of the button in her own words:

We are one in the spirit



While on a retreat at the Convent of ths Sisterhood of St. John the Divine in April, 2007 several Celtic Knots were given to me to color as a way of praying contemplatively. It took me 3 1/2 hours to colour this particular one while praying the whole time. As I did the colouring I found that the Celtic Knot design lent itself to my being able to bring my Native traditional beliefs and my new found Faith in Christ together.

I used yellow, red, black, white, blue, and purple. The traditional colours of yellow, red, black and white, represent the four directions and also the nations of the world being united in one circle. The purple or lavender, I have recently learned, represents the Grandmothers or Elders. The white represents wisdom.

As I was colouring the cross purple, I realized it symbolized the suffering and death of Jesus on the cross with the white cross in the centre representing Jesus' resurrection and ascension into heaven.

As I prayed with the design, God gave me more understanding. The blue colour of the knot is the colour of the habit the Sisters wear. The "knot" also symbolizes the different paths we take in life. It is the thread given to the Israelites to remind them and me of how Awesome God is.

The outer blue circle is God's all-encompassing Love for me and the love I am called to give to others. The white cross in the centre symbolizes Christ as the Centre of My Life. The Buttons are called 'We are One in the Spirit'.

Being able to share this with others is my way of thanking God for all God has done for me.

***

There is much more to come but I wanted you to have this to reflect and ponder on as you enjoy your morning coffee.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Thursday

A good trip up Bayview Avenue in the rain allowed me to make Matins on time. It was lovely. There was a serenity that suggested an atmosphere of restfulness and the plainchant was well sung – especially when some participants were not familiar with it. We were praying for the unity of the church, part of the common practice of the Community each Thursday and marked by a special light on the altar which remains there for the entire day. We now have settled into the rhythm of the life of the convent.



Sr. Elizabeth’s morning announcements started by explaining the additional light on the altar – just in case we missed it the first time, - and also explained an important part of The Gathering that I meant to mention before now. Each of us were given a beautifully designed button to wear during the conference and you may notice it in some of the photos. But we were blessed with a large easier to photograph version as a frontal on the lectern, - complete with flowers matching its colours. It was a gift from participant, Chrystal Joy who designed it in an earlier workshop to represent her integration of her faith and her. There is a wonderful note from her describing the symbolism, which I’ll try to post here at the end of the week. Suffice it for now to say that it represents the fact that We are One in the Spirit. What a gift from this remarkable young participant. This is the design and she is on the left in the next picture.



The pictures here and on the SSJD site will reveal that there are a variety of women attending of all ages – and one man, who is part of my discussion group. We were pleased today when he remarked that he did not feel marginalized or harassed by the rest of us and he has been an excellent and moving contributor.



Margaret’s topic for the morning was “More than Happiness”. She noted how we often settle for the good instead of the better, comfortable and even content in our usual ruts. Happiness, though is not the same as joy. The latter she described as “forever” or “kingfisher” moments, flashes of eternity impinging on ordinary events. They come to us uninvited when we are open to receive them and they are transformaational and imprinted on our memories. This was borne out in our later discussion group when we shared examples, many of which came from our early childhoods.



She asked us to think more deeply about two human experiences, spiritual consolation and spiritual desolation. “Console” is derived from the Spanish for “with the sun” while desolation is “away from the sun”. She then told of a memorable experience of her own under the direction of Jesuit, Gerald O’Malley. He reduced the light in a room about the size of the chapel where we were sitting to a single light, and asked one of the participants to stand with his back to the light. He then asked those present to look where the shadow fell. They saw it was in front of the person. He then asked the person to walk the full length of the room. The person focused on his own shadow. He then asked the person to turn around. Suddenly he was bathed in light, - and the shadow was behind him. It is important to notice, Margaret reminded us, that the shadow had not disappeared. It is always there. But you need only to turn to gain a new perspective. The source of the light is God. Life is not a continuous walking toward it for anyone, but a constant challenge to turn from the focus on our own shadow. We were encouraged to become better acquainted with St. Ignatius and his understanding of how consolation brings a sense of peace.

She contrasted the group that was present, whom she had no doubt had already made a fundamental choice to align themselves with the dream of God for them, with those who make the choice of focus on themselves. Financial and career success, climbing the ladder and stepping over others can even create a comfort zone, but underneath there will always be the turmoil of the shadow of desolation.

Once the choice for God is made, it does not guarantee that darkness will never fall. It is then that we need the compass, the inner direction of the heart and a sense of trust, no matter what the temporary turmoil. She retold the story from one of her books of the Native American grandfather who, when asked for a story by his small grandson, said, “There were two wolves who lived on the same mountain. One was good and one was bad. That’s the end”. Not surprisingly the child said, “But which one wins?”. The grandfather responded, “The one you feed”.

Which self grows? Which one becomes less dominant? Margaret suggested that the review prayer, referenced yesterday is a good shortcut to check which wolf we are feeding. She also asked us to reflect one how our individual actions have a larger application for society as a whole. Which actions are allowing the world to become more human and fully alive and which actions dehumanize us? We were asked to go to our groups and focus upon and share moments of consolation. We did to great advantage.

The celebrant and preacher at the Eucharist today was Sister Constance Joanna. She rejoiced in the history of the community and appreciated how the previous gathering in 1995 had brought positive change. She invited us to imagine ourselves as a “Good Household”. What unites us is our ability to see Christ in one another and our ability to reach out and heal the world. Like any extended family we are very human with the ability to complain, pout and sulk, but our first strength is the power to be a community of loving witness, to recognize its shortcomings and recommit to Christ in love and forgiveness. The second strength is recognition of different gifts and ability to live with differences. The third strength is dedication to a sacrificial mission The fourth is being rooted in prayer. Finally the strength is the Community’s ability to grow and change, - evident particularly in the active presence and work of volunteers and the addition of Oblates – a vocation that is itself an evolving and creative presence.




A second talking dinner allowed us to meet others and enjoy the Community’s gracious hospitality. The rain cooperated by staying away just long enough for outdoor walks. Some took advantage of the labyrinth, and the bookstore beckoned with competing delights. We heard at afternoon announcements that Margaret had agreed to a book signing on Friday. And we were again reminded of our need to provide entertainment for Friday night’s party. Comments on the blog were also encouraged. You do not have to sign it to add them, - though you are asked to type in a few letters, just so that the system knows that you are a human and not a spammer.



Margaret’s theme for the afternoon was “More than ‘Just Me’.” She reminded us how often we are going to do something “as soon as I - fill in the blank with, retire, have enough money, have enough energy or any phrase of your choice. We all do it. Another way of approaching it is considering a “Really Big Thing” and then saying “But”. There are really two choices, - you can do something completely different or you can do the same thing differently.

Then there is the matter of reproach. She admitted to herself telling Jesus, - "You didn’t have to deal with being a woman, you didn’t have to deal with being married, you didn’t have to deal with being a parent worrying about whether your kids were on drugs, you didn’t have to be worried about being immobile, you didn’t have to worry about getting old." The answer that gradually came to her was that being incarnate really means getting inside every human situation. We have to let God into them.

She likes returning to the four elements – the mediaeval world made sense of them:

Earth is walked upon and accepts; it is also where seeds grow. But it can also result in landslides or earthquakes
Water flows to the lowest plain; but it can also become a flood or tsunami.
Air is invisible yet life giving, but it can also become a tornado.
Fire warms us, cooks or food, provides us with pottery, but bushfires can destroy.

The elements have no choice, - but we do. We can accept what we cannot change, be open to what is best and life giving, and know which is which. An option is to say, What would Jesus do, but in looking for a rule there is a danger in settling for what we were planning to do anyway, what we just wanted to do. She had a nice story of a bad woman driver who was pulled off the road –(If you have seen that dreadful woman in the persistent commercial, you know the type) – and the policeman said, We saw the fish symbol on your car so we assume that it is stolen”. But "How would Jesus drive?" doesn’t exactly cut it”.

The real question is – What is life giving and Christ like? The remedy is gospel saturation. There are four good stories of how Jesus lived. What we are looking for is attitudes and values and the grace to internalize them. Getting inside the gospels means the gospels getting inside us and making a home there. This is not a matter for the intellect or even theology. There are other places to ask what happened or how it happened. What we have to ask is – what do the gospels have to say in my situation. We have to allow Jesus in. Imagining oneself in the scene and put one’s self in the role of all the people in the story helps. So does Lectio Divina where meditating on a short passage and taking it through the day and making connections are resources for our toolkits.

Margaret reminded is that our choices have implications for others besides ourselves. Sometimes a choice brings reconciliation with others. She ended with an explanation of her pendant made from shards of Ming China teacups raised from a sailing ship that was wrecked hundreds of years ago in a battle between Dutch and Portuguese ships. A merchant in the far east decided that they could be made into jewellery. He was a Dutch emigrant with a Portuguese wife. The design was a lotus flower. A lotus is rooted in mud which blossoms when it reaches the light. The seed of the past became a healing bud of the present to blossom in the future. We too can create something more.

Evensong, dinner, a quick trip back to my own apartment hermitage – where I now have to think about a skit for tomorrow. The evening isn't over yet. Friday will bring a later night and Saturday the final day. So I'll sign off until the weekend when you will get a full report of the last two days.

Meeting and Sharing




I'm able to post an extra early message this morning after a more restful night. I was finally able to read two of the inserts in the registration package, - instruction for a Retreat in Daily Life, which shares some wonderful help for daily prayer. If it has not been published in News Notes, it could be requested by associates and others because it is very valuable. The account of the history of religious orders took me back to the excellent course on Benedictine Life and Influence in the Anglican Church that Sr. Constance Joanna allowed several of us to audit for a dry run, before she delivered the course in the Toronto School of Theology. There are so many good things to learn there too.

Sister Elizabeth and I are both taking pictures for a slide show to run here eventually. But somehow I have managed to lose the information of where to access it so I'll have to ask Sr. Amy, who helpfully set it up, to come to the rescue.

The discussion groups bring small pearls of great price and so do talking dinners. Many of these are private, but a very few can be shared to give you a taste of the myriad interactions.

A woman told me yesterday that my late husband was the reason she came to her parish church and stayed there for the last 30 years. In the process she met another associate who led her to SSJD.

Another related how she had become an associate at age 23, - but this is the first time she has been able to come to the convent. At the time of her admission she was living in a L'Arche community and all 40 insisted on coming to her admission, - so it had to be moved to a larger church.

Another had suffered early illness and dislocation and had to completely re-frame her life. She noted that she had to give up any sense of achievement and simply be thankful each day that she is still here. That joy exudes in her smiling face.

It's time to get on the road and "get me to the church on time". And we'll have to decide what we are going to do for the entertainment tomorrow. I've also forgotten to appoint a recorder for each session - but I have a feeling that what we want to share with the whole group on Saturday will emerge naturally.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Wednesday: Feast of Saint John



The spirit was willing but the traffic prevented my arriving on time, when it seemed that all five million residents of the Greater Toronto area converged on Bayview Avenue. Morning prayer was already in progress. Those in residence had enjoyed a leisurely breakfast and after a short break following morning prayer, we assembled in the chapel for Margaret’s address. She was introduced by Sr. Elizabeth with another reminder of the purpose of The Gathering, an introduction to the contents of our registration package which included interesting booklets on retreats in daily life and the monastic tradition. We were encouraged to read and share these. There were also a few housekeeping notes about discussion room locations.

Margaret is a relaxed and inspiring speaker. She has a gift for remembering and telling stories that make a point. Her first was an old one about the modern scientists who went up to see God and tell him he was now redundant. After all, they could now make perfect human beings just by using mud. God’s response was, “Get your own mud!” From this she moved into her first subject, More than meets the Eye. She noted that we are often very good at recognizing the gifts of others, but reticent about or unaware of our own gifts. The modesty that we show may actually be a false one. Somehow we know that God has provided the gifts, but we would secretly still like to take the credit for them. Returning to the image of the night before, she reminded us that the beauty of the agate stone can only be seen when it is sliced open and there is a parallel in our human lives. We can carry on and avoid the pain or we can let God flow through the brokenness. A different beauty emerges when we have been polished.

She told another story of the oyster (which also appears in Wayfaring). It rose to the surface attracted by the light of the full moon and dared to open its shell and capture a sliver of moonlight before returning to the ocean floor. The sliver grew to be a pearl. Stressing that this was a good imaginative concept though questionable biology, she compared the oyster to humans touched by mystery. Billions of years ago a tiny grain held the potential of all the riches of our current world and its teeming life.

She suggested that we share our own experiences of being touched by mystery. Studies have revealed that 60-70% of the population have encounters with mystery that change the way they live. These are part of our real story. She remembered seeing a very early ultrasound of her granddaughter where the baby was about 6 millimetres in length and suddenly realized that she already had a relationship of hope and dreams for her. In the same way we are all part of God’s dream that is still unfolding. Mary was asked to weave a story of humanness, but we also need to discern what might become incarnate within ourselves.

While it is easy to name the major destructive elements in our society and in our lives, terrorism and violence really represent a small percentage. It may be the millions of small acts of spitefulness and pettiness that should be our focus when we try to redeem the world. They can change with millions of equally small acts of unexpected grace.

We proceeded to coffee break and our discussion groups. Mine had an interesting mix of people from diffenent geographic locations and life experience. This was really evident when we shared some of the amazing experiences that had “sliced” our lives and sent us in new and different directions.


Soon it was time for a festal Eucharist celebrated by the Rt Rev’d Colin Johnson, Bishop of Toronto and visitor to the SSJD community, who was also the preacher. The service was preceded by another duo of Dan Norman and Sister Ann and we had another new hymn, the gift of Dan and Sr. Sue, which they urged us to share with our parishes.

Bp. Colin noted his own long association with the order and praised the uniqueness of its past, its focus on the future and the privilege of being its visitor. He praised its connection with a venerable saint like St. john and the challenge of living into the meaning of his writings. One of the strengths of John is his many lenses – his relationship to Jesus as the beloved disciple, his connection to a loving community, and his call to others to believe and have life. John connects the dots. So it is no accident that the Old Testament lesson comes from the beginning of Genesis, the Gospel starts with a beginning as the Word, and the Epistle points to the revelation of the world to come. He cited the wonderful hymn, My Song is Love Unknown, as making the same universal connections of a community reconciled for unity.

He remembered as a young associate how surprised he was to find a community of women in no way cut off from the world, but in engaged with it in love and prayer. The convent was a place to go to find out what was happening in the world and learning how God wins, redeems, loves , forgives and reconciles. It still is.

Bishop Colin left us with four lessons taught to us by St. John; that as the beloved, we too can pass on that love to others; that we can be integrators of disparate things; that we can be life affirming; and that we can live hopefully.


The Eucharistic feast ended and was followed by another one in the Refectory with a lively talking dinner. There was time for a brief walk outside on a beautiful day marred only by construction noise at the hospital where the work area also barred easy access to the pleasant hospital gardens. The tulips along the side of the guest house were celebrating spring and there was a brief chance to follow Margaret Silf’s suggestion to look closely at the small and beautiful details of life around us.




Soon it was 2:30 and we were back to hear Margaret’s second address of the day. First Sr. Elizabeth promoted the new issue of The Eagle, which some will have already received and will await the rest of us on our return home. The new issue will feature the history of the branch houses – including the black history heritage of SSJD who accepted women who were excluded in the US. It also details the recent life profession of Sr. Amy and the celebration of Sr. Constance’s 105 birthday. There was a brief difficulty with the sound system, which made Margaret remember an Anglican rector who instead of starting the service in the usual way, began “There’s something wrong with the microphone”. The congregation responded immediately, “And also with you”.

Margaret started by talking about a problem with the expression of faith – a tendency toward dualism which admits of no exceptions; sacred versus secular, eternity versus time, religious versus worldly – the list goes on. The challenge is to find God in all things and we are not terribly good at it. Celtic spirituality on the other hand talks about “thin places” and “sacred space” where one penetrates the other and there is transformation. She cited her Jesuit friend Gerry Hughes who sometimes offended his listeners by imagining a scenario where Jesus is welcomed into a modern home. Then he brings along his less reputable friends – publicans, sinners, prostitutes – and suddenly the solution is to remove him to a very nice cabinet, with a lace frontal on top and perhaps flowers. Another friend knew she was a Catholic because she genuflected when entering the cinema.

Still another friend, Anthony de Mello likens our perception of the world to that of a fish in water wondering what and where the ocean is, - without realizing that as a fish it is already in it. We are unwilling to listen to the leading of the spirit and in danger of trying to move up and out of it through occasional acts of piety. This is a particular trap for those who view Sunday with a sense of obligation. What we really need to aim for is to be at prayer all the time.How we each deal with the problem is important because one cell affects the whole body.

Margaret particularly commends the Review of the Day, sometimes called the Examen. Ir is not wise to think of this as an examination of conscience or a list of sins, but as a review of the recent 24 hours to see how God is working in us, to sense our presence of God in the created world, and to examine where there has been life giving energy and where energy has been wasteful or destructive. When we can see beauty and missing the mark in our own actions and choices, we will be better able to perceive the same qualities in other people.

Margaret also challenged us to use the “review of the day’ in dealing with broader ecumenical issues and other conflicts facing the church. Different fields are often fenced off to grow different crops well and we may need all of them. The challenge is holding opposites in balance.

We returned to our discussion groups after a tea break – with such a challenging morning, it seemed our energy was lower, but we did start to look at some of the issues of responding to seekers’ questions about “God Stuff. We are supposed to compile some vision for the whole community later and we made a start on a few suggestions here. We also started to pull some ideas together which are still germinating for a skit on Friday night.


Evensong followed with more good hymns and canticles enthusiastically sung. This time we got the silent supper right and life felt more settled. The night is basically free. Some will watch a documentary portraying various religious communities before they take the DVD home and it will give them a chance to ask questions. For most, I suspect it will be an early night, and it certainly will be for a rather tired blogger.

The Gathering Begins




The Gathering’s blog is an attempt to condense space and reach you anywhere. Now it looks as though we might have to monkey with time as well because there is so much going on, - so while there will be an attempt to keep up in real time, it may fall behind real time only if there seems to be too much to say.

I arrived at the Convent just before two o’clock to find registration operating in full force and people gradually arriving. Those of us who are leading and facilitating small group discussion received some pointers in advance, - not the least of which was to review the purpose of the gathering;
• Reflection on the something more we are seeking – both personally and as sisters, associates and oblates of the order
• To experience the rhythm of the monastic life – so that prayer, study, work and relaxation contribute to what Joan Chittister once called Wisdom Distilled from the Daily
• To deepen our understanding of the work of SSJD and other orders
• To explore new directions for SSJD itself, - I was interested to learn that the ideas of increasing the use of volunteers and the creation of the Oblates actually came out of the visioning process of the gathering in 1995

There was also some housekeeping reminders – there were guidelines for the groups, outlines of the discussion topics with a general question or two and a reminder that were going to produce our own entertainment for Friday evening and we needed to start thinking about it in the groups. Most leaders and facilitators were meeting for the first time and I had an enjoyable conversation with mine – who probably wins hands down as the traveller of the greatest distance. She has come to us from Glasgow, Scotland.


I then went out, armed with a digital camera to snap a few pictures. Some participants were already walking the labyrinth, and reading quietly in the sun. Inside people were chatting in the conference room and moving toward the guest house to unpack. Before long it was time for our first evensong.

The organist, Dan Norman and Sister Anne played a prelude on piano and violin respectively. We were given booklets for Morning and Evening prayer – and a reminder card that there was a new response to follow the readings, “Listen for the leading of the Spirit”, - much more appropriate than the customary, “The Word of the Lord” that too often follows horrible accounts of violence in the Old Testament and often neglected in following the hard direction of the New. The first hymn had the familiar tune of “The Day Thou Gavest, Lord is Ended” and I wondered at the unfamiliar words, till I noticed that they were written some time ago by Sister Rosemary Anne.

Evensong was sung and for the first time we experienced the silence of convent – though I had to realize that once again, I had sung the psalm with enthusiasm and no memory whatsoever of the words afterwards – one hopes that simply being silent is enough for now. The next hymn was new in both setting and text - “Something More” written by Dan Norman in the key of F with one tricky E flat that kept our reading skills alert – and an appropriate text that used the poetic gifts of Sister Joan.

Its third verse read appropriately

And so we come together here
Our hands outstretched, our hearts ablaze,
To seek together something more,
Something to give us life always.

Then we were off to supper – entering with a no-nonsense squirt of hand sanitizer administered by Sister Constance Joanna, which also reminded us of the times. It was to be a silent supper – but that had to be gently re-established. Potted pansies decorated the place settings. Table dwellers lined up in turn and it was fun to realize that while the refectory is often full of individuals and groups, that in this case we were all present for the same reason. We sunk into the silent meal and I observed my favourite small statue of St. Fiacre in the quadrangle. At a previous retreat we had amused ourselves at each totally silent meal by watching him totally disappear during a snowstorm.

While the participants for The Gathering gradually assembled in the Chapel, other guests started to arrive – and we learned that Something More had a much wider appeal that we planned for. The place was packed with familiar and unfamiliar faces. More and more chairs came out of storage to seat a capacity crowd and the bustle to accommodate them created a real sense of expectancy. Margaret Silf was briefly introduced – (with some of the details outlined in the second post in this blog).

Margaret started with the image of the small Oliver Twist daring to approach the formidable Mr. Bumble with “Please sir . . . . Amusingly in the planning group we had worked hard to find a logo that suggested monastic hands instead of the pleading ones of small Oliver, – but Margaret did us one better by simply uniting them right from the beginning. She promised to provide a framework for those attending the Gathering but at the same time give the single lecture attendees something to think about. She accomplished both admirably by taking us through four stages of human development: infancy, adolescence, mid life and later life.

Her examples of infancy were taken from her new status as a grandmother. Other grandmothers like me could relate perfectly to her total delight in this stage of pure enjoyment, in comparison to the anxiety we had in raising our own children. She stressed the infant’s strong state of vulnerability and the demands it makes on us. If ego is part of God’s creation, the small person also knows how to exploit it and make demands to the full. At the same time, the sense of wonder is palpable where a small person’s curiosity allows her to find God in all things. “Where does the itch go when you scratch it?” Margaret’s own small daughter asked some years ago. The same small daughter reminded her of that life stage after presenting her with a card after a quarrel. It read, “Please be patient. God hasn’t finished with me yet”.

The next stage of adolescence brings new challenges. Someone suggested to her that the best new hire is a teenager, because after all he is sure he knows everything. The earlier sense of entitlement often grows into what seems like a permanent embattlement. At the same time the early curiosity evolves into a sense of wanting to make a difference. The sense of wonder unites with a new idealism

Mid life continues the dual pattern, Margaret says. We acquire jobs, careers, possessions, spouses, kids. It’s a long stage. Some years ago she thought that old age probably began at 43. It’s a moveable feast and now middle age might start as late as 70. Amid all those expensive possessions that one just has to have emerges a divine sense of discontent and the uncomfortable question, Is this all there is? The earlier sense of idealism morphs into a greater sense of a need to serve and give back. Bigger and better no longer has quite the same charm. Happiness is often assaulted by suffering or sorry and paradoxically becomes joy

Later life – a much kinder gentler term than old age – brings a new realization, Margaret says, that we no longer have to have it all. There is now a sense that everything is a given, that all comes from God. She remembered asking a monk many years ago what poverty really meant. He replied with a smile, “We don’t have money, - we just have the use of it”. This is the stage where we finally come to grips with the fact that we just have the use of everything. It is the time to come to terms with the fragility and dislocation of the lives that we thought were so secure. We have come full circle to the vulnerability of the infant grandchild that we now look on with such delight.

The strength of this stage, Margaret says is the final giving up of so many illusions of what really matters. The challenge is to discover the treasure within, to inhabit small places. She gave an example of a man confined to a smaller place who found more and more in less and less – so that in end one could almost say that he found everything in nothing. Physical diminishment finally sends the message that we don’t call the shots and allows us to discover the depth of wonder. Other cultures may do this better than Western ones, Margaret observes. We wait a long time for God to get through the cracks and hang on relentlessly to the control that we no longer have. At our best, though, we find joy in the simplicity of the present moment and give up the desire to succeed.

This final letting go of things we thought mattered so much is a preparation for our final letting go of life itself. Nature teaches us the real wisdom. A tree in its full beauty in autumn does not try to hang on to its leaves even when they have reached their most beautiful stage. It places its waning energy in the taproot so that new leaves can be reborn in another spring. After the many leaves of our own lives fall away, what is left is the core of our being, the true self that plays its own small part in the story of creation.

Margaret wondered where we really are in the human story now. Is our current world an example of the terrible two’s, where No and I Want It are the only message? Are we the know-it-all adolescent who can do it all and have it all? Are we in midlife crisis as we watch the bank profits tank and environment go to waste? Is our current diminishment actually good news and an opportunity to finally grow up?

If the glass is half empty, it is also half full. The odd manifesto of the Beatitudes offers blessings to those who get it. We could actually be on the cutting edge of evolution and start to learn that cooperation will be the key to the future.

Margaret ended with some observations especially directed toward the entire audience. She started by showing us one of the many layers Russian dolls – and was reminded of a trip to Ireland when a customs officer made her open a suitcase and asked what she planned to with a small collection of weird gismos and toys, “It’s for a retreat” she said. “Ah a retreat” he replied understandably, good Catholic that he was. One of our tasks in life is the examination of layers. Using the Russian doll, she showed us stages of removal. One that often comes is the loss of trust of friends as well as the loss of friends themselves, - though in the latter case, the best of them lives on in us. Another is the loss of dignity that infirmity of age or accident can bring. Another is the loss of trust in systems, - institutions, the media, the law, of faith iself. She cited the example of Jesus’s own agony and that of Mother Teresa, whose diaries revealed a loss of the consolation of God for the twenty years in which she bravely continued her work. Finally there is the loss of life itself. What is indestructible is the core of our being. Nature teaches us and the gospel reminds us that the seed must fall into the ground and die so that new life can be reborn.

A final icon was a small box of Alberta rocks. The samples give one sense of the Rockies. The vista of the foothills from a Calgary window gives another. Hiking one of the trails gives still another and at the same time gives an imaginative view of all the other trails – and all the vast area where no trail can possibly penetrate. All of them are images of the Rockies that go far beyond the box and we must not try to put a tape around it. All are valid. We were reminded to explore the infinite, to try the many walks, to avoid seeing any one of the images as the only or final answer to the question. All are images of God that are more than we can ask or imagine.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

At the Threshold

Last evening, our meditation group was down to two – though there were more at the preceding service. We always start with a reading, so being read to was almost like reverting to the time when I was eight or nine, but still enjoyed hearing a story in a parent’s voice. The choice of the reader was a simply marvelous and pertinent passage from a book by John O’Donohue called Bless the Space between Us, A Book of Blessings.







O’Donohue started by talking about how spring creeps up and us – and suddenly we see that leaves are out when we hadn’t even noticed their progress, and flowers are blooming everywhere. There was exactly this feeling when my daughter-in-law and the two little boys joined me for a walk in our own garden. Benjamin found a dandelion to blow on and Andre discovered pine cones while Liz and I marvelled over the number of species that were before us. Like spring itself after winters of planning and creating, The Gathering is here.





O’Donahue elaborates that spring thresholds such as this, when applied to our lives, suggest not a smooth transition but something completely different – a radical awakening, so that what emerges from it may have echoes from the past, but also contain a clear break from it. – the “Something More” not being a trivial add-on, but a real change of direction. Will it be for us?



During the day, several associates will enter the small but comfortable rooms of the Guest House that sisters have lovingly made ready. Each room is named after a saint or theological tenet – in truth, most honour the names of parishes who made contributions when the new convent was opened. A woman friend thought it would be fun to stay in the room named for her own parish and asked if this were possible. The administrator gave her a somewhat funny look and responded, “It’s in the men’s wing”. Since the room is named for St. Mary Magdalene, we still wonder if this is appropriate since there seem to be pluses and minuses in either direction. Any Guest House room though has everything that one needs, - a comfortable bed, a desk and chair providing a place to write – or even draw because there is usually a lovely watercolor or drawing above it – and a comfortable chair to sit and read. One’s first task is to make up the bed. Once this is done, it’s pleasant to sit down and almost immediately face the reality of how tired one really is.

So before I leave in the early afternoon to join the training of facilitators, I’ll need to clear the clutter of yesterday’s visit from the children, make up my own bed anew, and gather the very few things I’ll need to take, - we’ve been urged to travel light, so that overburdened with concerns and busyness, there is at least a tiny space for “Something More” to begin to penetrate.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Getting Ready

This morning some associates and oblates are already packing, - and some may even be getting on a plane in anticipation of being on time for The Gathering, starting tomorrow. As an associate I also feel some excitement and pressure to be ready. I have a meeting this morning,and a visit this afternoon from grandchildren and their parents who arrive every Monday; I run interference on the four and a half year old Benjamin and his very active twenty-two month old brother, Andre, whose current favourite phrase is, “No, I want to”. We are challenged to guess what this means in specific contexts. The busy parents will try to catch up on work related chores; and we will have a quick supper before I leave for my meditation group meeting after the six o’clock daily mass at my parish church. That, at least will allow a bit of quiet time to get me in gear for the days ahead.


What will we find at The Gathering? Its title promises “Something More”. Tomorrow, people will arrive all day and register in the lobby. Officially The Gathering will start with Combined Evening Prayer and Compline, followed by a silent supper. At 7:30 in the evening Margaret Silf will offer her first address in the Chapel, - that event which will be open to all Associates and their friends. I was pleased to learn yesterday that one of my meditation group who received an invitation from me, also received one from the Sisters of the Church, where she is an Associate. So we hope that many others in the area can make their way to the Convent to hear Margaret. (The full announcement about it appears below on this blog).


For the next three days, the retreat will fall into a pattern during the day. Breakfast for those in residence will take place at 7:45. Those of us who commute will start our day earlier and I confess to being a bit envious of those who are staying within the convent and can avoid battling the incoming morning traffic. But we will plan to arrive and settle in before Morning Prayer at 8:30 and have a few minutes of respite before Margaret’s first address at 9:30. At 10:15 we will break for coffee and move to other spaces for small group discussion. I have been assigned to be a facilitator of one of the small groups and will have received training early on Tuesday afternoon. We will reassemble in the chapel for the Eucharist at 11:45 followed by a talking dinner in the refectory.


After dinner there is a break. Residents will be able to retreat to their rooms. I’m already wondering where I will go before we reconvene at 2:30. If the weather is good, it is a chance for a walk. The nearby hospital grounds have been a lovely place to sit in the past, but I know that there is construction happening, so it may not be the pastoral and restful place I have known before. But there is also the labyrinth and the large Community library and the quiet and relaxing associates’ one.


Margaret will give her second address at 2:30 followed by a tea break – and that will also mean lots of visits to the washrooms – and the discussion groups will follow. I’m starting to be curious about my discussion group. Meeting individuals and sharing life journeys in places like this is always life changing. We will move to the Chapel for Evensong at 5:00 followed by a silent supper. Attending compline is optional at 8:10. The evening is free for rest or refreshment by meeting with friends, exploring the area, praying the labyrinth, quiet reading – and in my personal case, probably blogging.


I want to try and create a measure of silence during the retreat. It will be easier for me to do so in my own home than for some, who will return to families and other commitments. But I am mindful of a passage from Wayfaring that I read earlier this morning, where Margaret Silf tells a story of her own journey of times apart.


A mentor introduced her to three types of prayer. The first was recitation by the book. This is something that we all know, and at some point sense there is more to it than that.


The second was more elaborate, praying more deeply from the heart, trying to enter imaginatively into the scriptures and making connections. Margaret felt a warm glow, as we all do when we feel as though we are really getting it. Then the mentor added about this group, “They pray about everything except the one burning issue in their lives, - the one thing they don’t want to look at”.


That will be part of the “Something More”, I know. So I will try to shut off the rest of world, - put the Globe and Mails in a stack to be read next Sunday, avoid my computer addiction, - except perhaps to follow Suzanne Lawson and Bishop Sue Moxley prayerfully as they participate in the Anglican Consultative Council, - enter into the quiet of the week and let God be there.

Norah Bolton, Associate

Postscript:
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Sunday, May 3, 2009

Introducing Margaret Silf, Retreat Leader

Those of us who have read Margaret’s books already know a little about her – but the biography that she is presenting to the participants was one that she terms “chatty”. One can hear her speaking in it. I was amused to realize the other day that I hear her speaking in my mind with a Canadian accent – so I probably need to start getting used to a British one.

Margaret tells us that she was born and educated in Sheffield, was an only child, and earned a BA from London University and an MA from Keele University. She served as a technical writer in the computer industry until 2000 when she left her job to devote her time to writing and leading retreats. She is a wife, mother and grandmother, - so she will probably have some of these in common with many of the participants.

Her faith journey is varied. Though her family was not religious, she was baptized as a Methodist, confirmed as a teenager in the Church of England and received into the Roman Catholic Church at the age of 20. From there she drifted for 10 years before returning to the church. She now regards herself as an ecumenical Christian, comfortable in many traditions, but at the same time a “boundary dweller” as far as the institutional church is concerned. As a life long Anglican who is heavily involved in the church at parish, diocesan and currently even national levels, I find this interesting and challenging. Even for those of us who remain within the institutional church, there are probably few who don’t also experience frustration with it – so this is an area where I am really looking forward to hearing what she has to say.

I am also interested in her views about our place in the wider scheme of things. She is keen to explore the relationship between what she terms the “Christic vision” and the unfolding story of science, that she explores so well in her book, Roots and Wings. This was one of the books recommended to participants to read in advance. The other was Wayfaring, a Gospel Journey in Everyday Life, which I am reading now. In the latter book, she does a wonderful job of encouraging us to imagine ourselves as participants in the Gospel stories – not to revert to first century Bible Land, but to try to come to terms with the issues of growing and moving forward both personally and globally.
Margaret loves travelling. Meeting people obviously enriches her. I hope meeting all of us will contribute both to her own journey and to ours.