The disconnect in real time continues. It is now Tuesday, - and after a day that the other grandchildren and their parents routinely spend with me on Monday, life has calmed down again. After taking the car in to repair a missing headlight, it's quiet and time to finish Friday, -after all, it is more than a week since this journey started.
The midday Eucharist was originally to be celebrated by the Primate, Fred Hiltz, but he had to send his regrets when the Council of General Synod required him to make a presentation. Pinch hitting for him was Bishop Gordon Light, newly retired from the Diocese of the Central Interior, and now the Chaplain to the Staff at Church House, the Anglican National Office. It was a wonderful reunion for me personally, because I first met Gordon in 1963 when he was a keen guitar playing teenager, who performed what we thought was the Canadian Premiere of the American Folk Mass at All Saints Westboro in the Diocese of Ottawa, where my husband had just been appointed curate. I remember that my three year old could sing the entire Creed because of the catchy tune - and knowing my son Michael's musical memory, he probably still can. The other invention of Gordon and his banjo playing musical partner Don Manders was to set "The Lord's My Shepherd I'll not want" to the tune of "The Happy Wanderer" - and substitute - "He lives, He lives, He lives, I know that my Redeemer lives, He Lives, He Lives, He lives within my heart. You can hum along as you read this.
Gordon still plays the guitar and accompanied us on one of his own Hymns - "Draw the Circle Wider. We also sang " Ask or Imagine" and were reminded of his musical gifts to the whole church.
At the beginning of his homily, Gordon asked us to pray for his friend and fellow musician of the Common Cup Quartet, Jim Ulrich. Jim is in hospital seriously ill, and it reminds him of the precariousness of human life. Our individual lives, which seem so important are always on the edge of crumbling into nothing, but we are like the little thing he then showed us - a tiny sliver of hazelnut which is an image of God the creator, who made it loves it and looks after us. He also noted that he had retrieved it in the morning from his granola.
He then reminisced about something he noticed in the past in One Hundred Mile House in BC - the place resonated with me immediately because I have been there visiting one of my nieces. He took a walk "on the wild side" and noticed a broken chunk of asphalt in the driveway. Intrigued by what had caused it, - water?, a jack hammer? - he traced the source to a day lily that had poked a very determined head right through the cement. Life, he concluded, cannot be stopped. Dandelions and thistles have the same power. This provides the insight that one way or another, we will last.
Like Philip, we have trouble seeing it. Jesus reminded him, - "Who sees me, sees the Father. In a life that is also fragile, the Father gives us Jesus. All indeed shall be well.
After lunch, rain prevented a walk. I found a comfortable sofa in the sitting room just beside the guest house rear entry, stretched out and shut my eyes for about 15 minutes. While we had tried to be reasonable in planning the schedule, I was more than ready to agree that there was not enough time for rest and reflection. We moved back to the Chapel for 2:30 to hear Margaret's next address which was titled. "More than Homo Sapiens".
She started by asking us how far we had come in the journey of humanization. Her first story detailed the experience of an aboriginal Australian chief who died. His followers wanted him buried in the local Roman Catholic cemetery, but the priest refused, "spitting feathers" - this is a UK-ism that Margaret has taught us - and it is pretty self explanatory. The followers accepted the decision and buried their chief outside the fence of the cemetery - but they returned later in the night and moved the fence to include the new gravesite. Fences can always be moved to "draw the circle wider".
As she has done so well in her book, Root and Wings, Margaret took us through the journey when eons ago, man became bi-pedal and upright. Four year old Benjamin got it yesterday, when I talked to him about this and he said, "So then we got hands". Perhaps about 200,000 years ago our brains increased by three times in volume and landed us with the biggest cerebral cortex in the animal kingdom. As hunter/gatherers we had to learn collaboration to survive and started to enter relationship. It was the beginning of community but also opened up the shadow of individuality that sought to go its own way. We'd entered the doorway of the garden of the knowledge of good and evil.
Perhaps 40,000 years ago we entered the mystery of spiritual evolution - indigenous communities have always sensed it well and continue to challenge our own truncated sense of it.
Then about 4,000 years ago we entered the realm of religions and the prophets. Margaret noted that some of us are still stuck in their outdated cosmology where God is viewed as coming down or dropping in. The truth is that God has always been here, however aware or unaware we may be. Sometimes we fear whether another day will come. Her prescription when we feel this way is "Call Australia - because it is already another day there". Similarly we rejoice when the daffodils come again - as they are in Toronto now - even though they have come in England or BC several months ago, - conveniently forgetting that they have always been there. They are just being revealed in a new way. For the last 2,000 years we have been blessed with a sense of a new season of growth that emerges when the time is right. We might be still in the spiritual playpen, but we are given beatitudes, parables, pictures, powerful experiences of circles of friends.
So how is the human family actually doing? The invitation is "Follow me" - which suggests footprints. It might also suggest uncovering mystery, transparency and vulnerability and moving past the many spin doctors in our environment. It also suggests value shifts, - accepting failure and vulnerability, taking risks, accepting mystery, choosing service over control, interdependence over independence, wisdom over knowledge.
The resources for this journey come not only from the legacy of the Gospels,the Desert Fathers and Mothers and others throughout the ages, but they also come from the footprints of modern prophets and mystics of our own time like John Bell, who haven't yet eaten a Big Mac or owned an I-Pod. We also need to look at modern science where many thinkers are respecting the mystery of the universe by seeing the beauty in chaos theory and the sense of our earth as a living organism.
Margaret ended with the story of an African woman, who when asked how she would like to be remembered said that she wanted to be known for "Spending it All". This wasn't an attempt to avoid inheritance tax, but to use all the gifts and leave a footprint that points the way. We were then pointed toward our discussion group to ponder these things.
When we reassembled for Evening Prayer, we had a Taize service. It was greatly enhanced by the music of organist Dan Norman and Sr. Ann (Norman) - though they are not related and we were quickly able to join in the music by ear if our reading skills were deficient, as mine are. We were also offered an anointing for healing, which many of us took advantage of. Several of the sisters and associates are trained to offer this special ministry which is so welcome and needed.
After a silent supper, we reassembled in the refectory for an evening of entertainment. It soon became evident that we made a great choice in inviting Fr. Tim Elliot to be a combined entertainer and MC. Tim is a gifted jazz pianist as well as a parish priest and consultant and he uses all these gifts to draw people together. It wasn't long before he had us singing "Side by Side" - and in keys far friendlier to older voices than those of the soprano-challenged of the chapel services. Our pitch in the lower keys improved dramatically.
The programme proceeded with a presentation by the Sisters of the Life of the foundress of the order, Mother Hanna. Sister Elizabeth narrated and others took turns in reading excerpts from her life and diaries. They reminded us of the courage and hardships of this amazing woman and her early sisters in responding to calls for service. Mother Hanna's wry sense of humour obviously got her through many trials and tribulations, - and some of ours seem modest in comparison. I hope that these could be published so that all of you could share them. The presentation followed with a lovely meditative improvisation on the piano by an associate, which seemed to tie it together and provide a reflective segue to the rest of the entertainment.
And entertaining it was. My digital camera gave up the ghost at this point, but if you go to the convent website and go to the picture section for Day 4. You will see a nice picture of Tim at the piano on the SSJD website plus one of several the singing and dancing groups - beams of sunlight as I remember it, in their nice yellow T-Shirts. How did they ever round up enough in the same colour? They had been preceded by another one singing new words to the tune of "Jesus Loves Me" so we could all join in - and they had neat signs for SSJD and the keywords of the order which came up on cue in the front and back rows. Margaret then took centre stage with the reciting of the tale of Albert Ramsbottom in appropriate Midlands accent and then it was my group's turn.
As I announced to the crowd, this was a challenging group to work with because they didn't want to do anything when I announced the assignment on Wednesday morning. A couple of them had offered to sit and knit - so I had to go with that. They somewhat reluctantly agreed to do a kind of cat's cradle tossing wool back and forth - and I promised to write a few lines of doggerel that the crowd could sing while they watched them. It sounded pretty lame. But the two singing groups that preceded us sang so well that I invited them back to form a choir during the proceedings, which they were surprisingly willing to do. Tim was giving them a lead into the tune of On Top of Old Smokey and after failing to bring them in, they came in by themselves and sang a ballad of the Gathering. I was able to retreat to the piano and play along with Tim. You can see us doing so on the above link as well.
Other acts followed which showed imagination and style. There was an invitation to join in the dance of "He's got the Whole World in His Hands" - and we did. Etched in my memory is Sister Patricia, one of the planning group, singing and dancing her heart out - I suspect by now that she doesn't regret paying for it with sore knees the next day. Most of the participants - excellent women, as Barbara Pym would describe them - and sisters, associates and oblates, look alikes in their Tilley skirts which some days almost seemed like a uniform - danced and sang enthusiastically.
After an invitation from a lovely poem, Why Not Fly, we were treated to a video campfire. There had been some signs of life in the kitchen and what suddenly came out were S'Mores, a perfect ending to a joy filled and entertaining night. Apologies to those whose wonderful entertainment acts, I have forgotten to mention. Please add yours in the comments if I have neglected them.
Showing posts with label Margaret Silf. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Margaret Silf. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Friday - Part 2
This gets complicated because Friday is now in reality, Sunday, and I have returned from a Mother's Day brunch with my daughter in law, grandson and grandaughter preceded by morning service at my own parish church. Ariel, who will be five on June 1, had made me a Mother's Day card on behalf of her father who was away working in Orlando. The artwork, as you can see, is more than one could ask or imagine.
But it is time to fill you in on a busy and fun filled Friday.
Toronto has been filled with changeable weather ever since The Gathering started. I left in the rain and tried a different route straight up Yonge Street. This should be the busiest route of all - after all it becomes the highway that ultimately ends in Thunder Bay - but it was a better route and I arrived in time for Morning Prayer.
I haven't commented on the service booklets that greeted us for the morning and evening office, but they were a great help since they provided the canticles and lections for each day and made them easy to follow.They seem so straightforward but one has to recognize with gratitude that they take hours and hours to pull together. After a brief break we were again ready to hear from Margaret.
She did not disappoint. Her theme for the morning was "More than Discipleship?". Noting that the disciples might have seemed strange choices of people to go fishing for men and women (My late husband always told his small sons that he was busy "fishing people"), but she reminded us that they were already good at fishing for fish. She had been a technical writer when she was later led to realize that she could use her gifts in a new way. God had definitely given her something more interesting to write about. She also led us in a secret about computer manuals that we have failed to understand. "Neither did we!!", she said.
A disciple is essentially a learner, one who learns attitudes and values. Like her doctor daughter, we learn by reading, studying, observing and even interning. But ultimately we are sent out. We too have a mission to participate in to realize the dream of God for the world.
Margaret took us back to the time in the early church where a replacement had to be found for Judas to bring the number of apostles back to 12. The job requirements are rather stringent. It has to be someone who knows Jesus intimately - and that means more than just knowing about him. It has to be someone who has walked beside him in the journey from the annunciation to Pentecost. It has to be someone who witnessed the resurrection - and it has to be someone who is prepared to advance the good news to the afflicted, set free the captives, give sight to the blind,lift the burdens of the oppressed, and proclaim God's love and forgiveness to all. No one can be forgiven for initially responding to this, "Who - ME?"
But that is precisely what WE are asked to do. It's a tall order. It is audacious to think that we would even try. but we were reminded that we can do these things for others because we know them from being recipients of all of them at some point in our own lives. Her stories give the proof.
Her own very small daughter noticed that she was deeply upset one day. Margaret herself had withdrawn, not wanting to upset the child as well and had retired to her room. But the tiny girl followed her anyway and saw her mother in tears. She left the room and returned to her mother with her favourite teddy bear. Margaret remarked on the complete love and trust that the little girl had, even before she could speak that the favorite toy would provide solace - and she didn't even know that in giving the gift that she would ever get it back. Sometimes we are able to take our blinkers off and take risks.
Another story concerned a family who liked to go to the beach in Africa, - but the same beach was frequently inhabited by baboons. So they built a cage for themselves and limited their own space in spite of thinking that they were now safe. Sometimes we are also imprisoned by fear or poverty and small acts can let us out of the cage. What we get in life is lots of "on the job" training that makes it possible to give to others experiences that we ourselves have received. So we were challenged to make our own response as Number 12, - which we did in our small group discussion.
At the beginning I was quietly reminded that we might be straying away from the admonition about group discussion that we had been given when we started, - It comes from Parker Palmer and it suggests "No fixing, no saving, no advising, no setting one another straight". It's a useful one for the whole of life.
We still haven't finished Friday - so that there will have to be more to come.
But it is time to fill you in on a busy and fun filled Friday.
Toronto has been filled with changeable weather ever since The Gathering started. I left in the rain and tried a different route straight up Yonge Street. This should be the busiest route of all - after all it becomes the highway that ultimately ends in Thunder Bay - but it was a better route and I arrived in time for Morning Prayer.
I haven't commented on the service booklets that greeted us for the morning and evening office, but they were a great help since they provided the canticles and lections for each day and made them easy to follow.They seem so straightforward but one has to recognize with gratitude that they take hours and hours to pull together. After a brief break we were again ready to hear from Margaret.
She did not disappoint. Her theme for the morning was "More than Discipleship?". Noting that the disciples might have seemed strange choices of people to go fishing for men and women (My late husband always told his small sons that he was busy "fishing people"), but she reminded us that they were already good at fishing for fish. She had been a technical writer when she was later led to realize that she could use her gifts in a new way. God had definitely given her something more interesting to write about. She also led us in a secret about computer manuals that we have failed to understand. "Neither did we!!", she said.
A disciple is essentially a learner, one who learns attitudes and values. Like her doctor daughter, we learn by reading, studying, observing and even interning. But ultimately we are sent out. We too have a mission to participate in to realize the dream of God for the world.
Margaret took us back to the time in the early church where a replacement had to be found for Judas to bring the number of apostles back to 12. The job requirements are rather stringent. It has to be someone who knows Jesus intimately - and that means more than just knowing about him. It has to be someone who has walked beside him in the journey from the annunciation to Pentecost. It has to be someone who witnessed the resurrection - and it has to be someone who is prepared to advance the good news to the afflicted, set free the captives, give sight to the blind,lift the burdens of the oppressed, and proclaim God's love and forgiveness to all. No one can be forgiven for initially responding to this, "Who - ME?"
But that is precisely what WE are asked to do. It's a tall order. It is audacious to think that we would even try. but we were reminded that we can do these things for others because we know them from being recipients of all of them at some point in our own lives. Her stories give the proof.
Her own very small daughter noticed that she was deeply upset one day. Margaret herself had withdrawn, not wanting to upset the child as well and had retired to her room. But the tiny girl followed her anyway and saw her mother in tears. She left the room and returned to her mother with her favourite teddy bear. Margaret remarked on the complete love and trust that the little girl had, even before she could speak that the favorite toy would provide solace - and she didn't even know that in giving the gift that she would ever get it back. Sometimes we are able to take our blinkers off and take risks.
Another story concerned a family who liked to go to the beach in Africa, - but the same beach was frequently inhabited by baboons. So they built a cage for themselves and limited their own space in spite of thinking that they were now safe. Sometimes we are also imprisoned by fear or poverty and small acts can let us out of the cage. What we get in life is lots of "on the job" training that makes it possible to give to others experiences that we ourselves have received. So we were challenged to make our own response as Number 12, - which we did in our small group discussion.
At the beginning I was quietly reminded that we might be straying away from the admonition about group discussion that we had been given when we started, - It comes from Parker Palmer and it suggests "No fixing, no saving, no advising, no setting one another straight". It's a useful one for the whole of life.
We still haven't finished Friday - so that there will have to be more to come.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Thursday
A good trip up Bayview Avenue in the rain allowed me to make Matins on time. It was lovely. There was a serenity that suggested an atmosphere of restfulness and the plainchant was well sung – especially when some participants were not familiar with it. We were praying for the unity of the church, part of the common practice of the Community each Thursday and marked by a special light on the altar which remains there for the entire day. We now have settled into the rhythm of the life of the convent.
Sr. Elizabeth’s morning announcements started by explaining the additional light on the altar – just in case we missed it the first time, - and also explained an important part of The Gathering that I meant to mention before now. Each of us were given a beautifully designed button to wear during the conference and you may notice it in some of the photos. But we were blessed with a large easier to photograph version as a frontal on the lectern, - complete with flowers matching its colours. It was a gift from participant, Chrystal Joy who designed it in an earlier workshop to represent her integration of her faith and her. There is a wonderful note from her describing the symbolism, which I’ll try to post here at the end of the week. Suffice it for now to say that it represents the fact that We are One in the Spirit. What a gift from this remarkable young participant. This is the design and she is on the left in the next picture.
The pictures here and on the SSJD site will reveal that there are a variety of women attending of all ages – and one man, who is part of my discussion group. We were pleased today when he remarked that he did not feel marginalized or harassed by the rest of us and he has been an excellent and moving contributor.
Margaret’s topic for the morning was “More than Happiness”. She noted how we often settle for the good instead of the better, comfortable and even content in our usual ruts. Happiness, though is not the same as joy. The latter she described as “forever” or “kingfisher” moments, flashes of eternity impinging on ordinary events. They come to us uninvited when we are open to receive them and they are transformaational and imprinted on our memories. This was borne out in our later discussion group when we shared examples, many of which came from our early childhoods.
She asked us to think more deeply about two human experiences, spiritual consolation and spiritual desolation. “Console” is derived from the Spanish for “with the sun” while desolation is “away from the sun”. She then told of a memorable experience of her own under the direction of Jesuit, Gerald O’Malley. He reduced the light in a room about the size of the chapel where we were sitting to a single light, and asked one of the participants to stand with his back to the light. He then asked those present to look where the shadow fell. They saw it was in front of the person. He then asked the person to walk the full length of the room. The person focused on his own shadow. He then asked the person to turn around. Suddenly he was bathed in light, - and the shadow was behind him. It is important to notice, Margaret reminded us, that the shadow had not disappeared. It is always there. But you need only to turn to gain a new perspective. The source of the light is God. Life is not a continuous walking toward it for anyone, but a constant challenge to turn from the focus on our own shadow. We were encouraged to become better acquainted with St. Ignatius and his understanding of how consolation brings a sense of peace.
She contrasted the group that was present, whom she had no doubt had already made a fundamental choice to align themselves with the dream of God for them, with those who make the choice of focus on themselves. Financial and career success, climbing the ladder and stepping over others can even create a comfort zone, but underneath there will always be the turmoil of the shadow of desolation.
Once the choice for God is made, it does not guarantee that darkness will never fall. It is then that we need the compass, the inner direction of the heart and a sense of trust, no matter what the temporary turmoil. She retold the story from one of her books of the Native American grandfather who, when asked for a story by his small grandson, said, “There were two wolves who lived on the same mountain. One was good and one was bad. That’s the end”. Not surprisingly the child said, “But which one wins?”. The grandfather responded, “The one you feed”.
Which self grows? Which one becomes less dominant? Margaret suggested that the review prayer, referenced yesterday is a good shortcut to check which wolf we are feeding. She also asked us to reflect one how our individual actions have a larger application for society as a whole. Which actions are allowing the world to become more human and fully alive and which actions dehumanize us? We were asked to go to our groups and focus upon and share moments of consolation. We did to great advantage.
The celebrant and preacher at the Eucharist today was Sister Constance Joanna. She rejoiced in the history of the community and appreciated how the previous gathering in 1995 had brought positive change. She invited us to imagine ourselves as a “Good Household”. What unites us is our ability to see Christ in one another and our ability to reach out and heal the world. Like any extended family we are very human with the ability to complain, pout and sulk, but our first strength is the power to be a community of loving witness, to recognize its shortcomings and recommit to Christ in love and forgiveness. The second strength is recognition of different gifts and ability to live with differences. The third strength is dedication to a sacrificial mission The fourth is being rooted in prayer. Finally the strength is the Community’s ability to grow and change, - evident particularly in the active presence and work of volunteers and the addition of Oblates – a vocation that is itself an evolving and creative presence.
A second talking dinner allowed us to meet others and enjoy the Community’s gracious hospitality. The rain cooperated by staying away just long enough for outdoor walks. Some took advantage of the labyrinth, and the bookstore beckoned with competing delights. We heard at afternoon announcements that Margaret had agreed to a book signing on Friday. And we were again reminded of our need to provide entertainment for Friday night’s party. Comments on the blog were also encouraged. You do not have to sign it to add them, - though you are asked to type in a few letters, just so that the system knows that you are a human and not a spammer.
Margaret’s theme for the afternoon was “More than ‘Just Me’.” She reminded us how often we are going to do something “as soon as I - fill in the blank with, retire, have enough money, have enough energy or any phrase of your choice. We all do it. Another way of approaching it is considering a “Really Big Thing” and then saying “But”. There are really two choices, - you can do something completely different or you can do the same thing differently.
Then there is the matter of reproach. She admitted to herself telling Jesus, - "You didn’t have to deal with being a woman, you didn’t have to deal with being married, you didn’t have to deal with being a parent worrying about whether your kids were on drugs, you didn’t have to be worried about being immobile, you didn’t have to worry about getting old." The answer that gradually came to her was that being incarnate really means getting inside every human situation. We have to let God into them.
She likes returning to the four elements – the mediaeval world made sense of them:
Earth is walked upon and accepts; it is also where seeds grow. But it can also result in landslides or earthquakes
Water flows to the lowest plain; but it can also become a flood or tsunami.
Air is invisible yet life giving, but it can also become a tornado.
Fire warms us, cooks or food, provides us with pottery, but bushfires can destroy.
The elements have no choice, - but we do. We can accept what we cannot change, be open to what is best and life giving, and know which is which. An option is to say, What would Jesus do, but in looking for a rule there is a danger in settling for what we were planning to do anyway, what we just wanted to do. She had a nice story of a bad woman driver who was pulled off the road –(If you have seen that dreadful woman in the persistent commercial, you know the type) – and the policeman said, We saw the fish symbol on your car so we assume that it is stolen”. But "How would Jesus drive?" doesn’t exactly cut it”.
The real question is – What is life giving and Christ like? The remedy is gospel saturation. There are four good stories of how Jesus lived. What we are looking for is attitudes and values and the grace to internalize them. Getting inside the gospels means the gospels getting inside us and making a home there. This is not a matter for the intellect or even theology. There are other places to ask what happened or how it happened. What we have to ask is – what do the gospels have to say in my situation. We have to allow Jesus in. Imagining oneself in the scene and put one’s self in the role of all the people in the story helps. So does Lectio Divina where meditating on a short passage and taking it through the day and making connections are resources for our toolkits.
Margaret reminded is that our choices have implications for others besides ourselves. Sometimes a choice brings reconciliation with others. She ended with an explanation of her pendant made from shards of Ming China teacups raised from a sailing ship that was wrecked hundreds of years ago in a battle between Dutch and Portuguese ships. A merchant in the far east decided that they could be made into jewellery. He was a Dutch emigrant with a Portuguese wife. The design was a lotus flower. A lotus is rooted in mud which blossoms when it reaches the light. The seed of the past became a healing bud of the present to blossom in the future. We too can create something more.
Evensong, dinner, a quick trip back to my own apartment hermitage – where I now have to think about a skit for tomorrow. The evening isn't over yet. Friday will bring a later night and Saturday the final day. So I'll sign off until the weekend when you will get a full report of the last two days.
Sr. Elizabeth’s morning announcements started by explaining the additional light on the altar – just in case we missed it the first time, - and also explained an important part of The Gathering that I meant to mention before now. Each of us were given a beautifully designed button to wear during the conference and you may notice it in some of the photos. But we were blessed with a large easier to photograph version as a frontal on the lectern, - complete with flowers matching its colours. It was a gift from participant, Chrystal Joy who designed it in an earlier workshop to represent her integration of her faith and her. There is a wonderful note from her describing the symbolism, which I’ll try to post here at the end of the week. Suffice it for now to say that it represents the fact that We are One in the Spirit. What a gift from this remarkable young participant. This is the design and she is on the left in the next picture.
The pictures here and on the SSJD site will reveal that there are a variety of women attending of all ages – and one man, who is part of my discussion group. We were pleased today when he remarked that he did not feel marginalized or harassed by the rest of us and he has been an excellent and moving contributor.
Margaret’s topic for the morning was “More than Happiness”. She noted how we often settle for the good instead of the better, comfortable and even content in our usual ruts. Happiness, though is not the same as joy. The latter she described as “forever” or “kingfisher” moments, flashes of eternity impinging on ordinary events. They come to us uninvited when we are open to receive them and they are transformaational and imprinted on our memories. This was borne out in our later discussion group when we shared examples, many of which came from our early childhoods.
She asked us to think more deeply about two human experiences, spiritual consolation and spiritual desolation. “Console” is derived from the Spanish for “with the sun” while desolation is “away from the sun”. She then told of a memorable experience of her own under the direction of Jesuit, Gerald O’Malley. He reduced the light in a room about the size of the chapel where we were sitting to a single light, and asked one of the participants to stand with his back to the light. He then asked those present to look where the shadow fell. They saw it was in front of the person. He then asked the person to walk the full length of the room. The person focused on his own shadow. He then asked the person to turn around. Suddenly he was bathed in light, - and the shadow was behind him. It is important to notice, Margaret reminded us, that the shadow had not disappeared. It is always there. But you need only to turn to gain a new perspective. The source of the light is God. Life is not a continuous walking toward it for anyone, but a constant challenge to turn from the focus on our own shadow. We were encouraged to become better acquainted with St. Ignatius and his understanding of how consolation brings a sense of peace.
She contrasted the group that was present, whom she had no doubt had already made a fundamental choice to align themselves with the dream of God for them, with those who make the choice of focus on themselves. Financial and career success, climbing the ladder and stepping over others can even create a comfort zone, but underneath there will always be the turmoil of the shadow of desolation.
Once the choice for God is made, it does not guarantee that darkness will never fall. It is then that we need the compass, the inner direction of the heart and a sense of trust, no matter what the temporary turmoil. She retold the story from one of her books of the Native American grandfather who, when asked for a story by his small grandson, said, “There were two wolves who lived on the same mountain. One was good and one was bad. That’s the end”. Not surprisingly the child said, “But which one wins?”. The grandfather responded, “The one you feed”.
Which self grows? Which one becomes less dominant? Margaret suggested that the review prayer, referenced yesterday is a good shortcut to check which wolf we are feeding. She also asked us to reflect one how our individual actions have a larger application for society as a whole. Which actions are allowing the world to become more human and fully alive and which actions dehumanize us? We were asked to go to our groups and focus upon and share moments of consolation. We did to great advantage.
The celebrant and preacher at the Eucharist today was Sister Constance Joanna. She rejoiced in the history of the community and appreciated how the previous gathering in 1995 had brought positive change. She invited us to imagine ourselves as a “Good Household”. What unites us is our ability to see Christ in one another and our ability to reach out and heal the world. Like any extended family we are very human with the ability to complain, pout and sulk, but our first strength is the power to be a community of loving witness, to recognize its shortcomings and recommit to Christ in love and forgiveness. The second strength is recognition of different gifts and ability to live with differences. The third strength is dedication to a sacrificial mission The fourth is being rooted in prayer. Finally the strength is the Community’s ability to grow and change, - evident particularly in the active presence and work of volunteers and the addition of Oblates – a vocation that is itself an evolving and creative presence.
A second talking dinner allowed us to meet others and enjoy the Community’s gracious hospitality. The rain cooperated by staying away just long enough for outdoor walks. Some took advantage of the labyrinth, and the bookstore beckoned with competing delights. We heard at afternoon announcements that Margaret had agreed to a book signing on Friday. And we were again reminded of our need to provide entertainment for Friday night’s party. Comments on the blog were also encouraged. You do not have to sign it to add them, - though you are asked to type in a few letters, just so that the system knows that you are a human and not a spammer.
Margaret’s theme for the afternoon was “More than ‘Just Me’.” She reminded us how often we are going to do something “as soon as I - fill in the blank with, retire, have enough money, have enough energy or any phrase of your choice. We all do it. Another way of approaching it is considering a “Really Big Thing” and then saying “But”. There are really two choices, - you can do something completely different or you can do the same thing differently.
Then there is the matter of reproach. She admitted to herself telling Jesus, - "You didn’t have to deal with being a woman, you didn’t have to deal with being married, you didn’t have to deal with being a parent worrying about whether your kids were on drugs, you didn’t have to be worried about being immobile, you didn’t have to worry about getting old." The answer that gradually came to her was that being incarnate really means getting inside every human situation. We have to let God into them.
She likes returning to the four elements – the mediaeval world made sense of them:
Earth is walked upon and accepts; it is also where seeds grow. But it can also result in landslides or earthquakes
Water flows to the lowest plain; but it can also become a flood or tsunami.
Air is invisible yet life giving, but it can also become a tornado.
Fire warms us, cooks or food, provides us with pottery, but bushfires can destroy.
The elements have no choice, - but we do. We can accept what we cannot change, be open to what is best and life giving, and know which is which. An option is to say, What would Jesus do, but in looking for a rule there is a danger in settling for what we were planning to do anyway, what we just wanted to do. She had a nice story of a bad woman driver who was pulled off the road –(If you have seen that dreadful woman in the persistent commercial, you know the type) – and the policeman said, We saw the fish symbol on your car so we assume that it is stolen”. But "How would Jesus drive?" doesn’t exactly cut it”.
The real question is – What is life giving and Christ like? The remedy is gospel saturation. There are four good stories of how Jesus lived. What we are looking for is attitudes and values and the grace to internalize them. Getting inside the gospels means the gospels getting inside us and making a home there. This is not a matter for the intellect or even theology. There are other places to ask what happened or how it happened. What we have to ask is – what do the gospels have to say in my situation. We have to allow Jesus in. Imagining oneself in the scene and put one’s self in the role of all the people in the story helps. So does Lectio Divina where meditating on a short passage and taking it through the day and making connections are resources for our toolkits.
Margaret reminded is that our choices have implications for others besides ourselves. Sometimes a choice brings reconciliation with others. She ended with an explanation of her pendant made from shards of Ming China teacups raised from a sailing ship that was wrecked hundreds of years ago in a battle between Dutch and Portuguese ships. A merchant in the far east decided that they could be made into jewellery. He was a Dutch emigrant with a Portuguese wife. The design was a lotus flower. A lotus is rooted in mud which blossoms when it reaches the light. The seed of the past became a healing bud of the present to blossom in the future. We too can create something more.
Evensong, dinner, a quick trip back to my own apartment hermitage – where I now have to think about a skit for tomorrow. The evening isn't over yet. Friday will bring a later night and Saturday the final day. So I'll sign off until the weekend when you will get a full report of the last two days.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
At the Threshold
Last evening, our meditation group was down to two – though there were more at the preceding service. We always start with a reading, so being read to was almost like reverting to the time when I was eight or nine, but still enjoyed hearing a story in a parent’s voice. The choice of the reader was a simply marvelous and pertinent passage from a book by John O’Donohue called Bless the Space between Us, A Book of Blessings.
O’Donohue started by talking about how spring creeps up and us – and suddenly we see that leaves are out when we hadn’t even noticed their progress, and flowers are blooming everywhere. There was exactly this feeling when my daughter-in-law and the two little boys joined me for a walk in our own garden. Benjamin found a dandelion to blow on and Andre discovered pine cones while Liz and I marvelled over the number of species that were before us. Like spring itself after winters of planning and creating, The Gathering is here.
O’Donahue elaborates that spring thresholds such as this, when applied to our lives, suggest not a smooth transition but something completely different – a radical awakening, so that what emerges from it may have echoes from the past, but also contain a clear break from it. – the “Something More” not being a trivial add-on, but a real change of direction. Will it be for us?
During the day, several associates will enter the small but comfortable rooms of the Guest House that sisters have lovingly made ready. Each room is named after a saint or theological tenet – in truth, most honour the names of parishes who made contributions when the new convent was opened. A woman friend thought it would be fun to stay in the room named for her own parish and asked if this were possible. The administrator gave her a somewhat funny look and responded, “It’s in the men’s wing”. Since the room is named for St. Mary Magdalene, we still wonder if this is appropriate since there seem to be pluses and minuses in either direction. Any Guest House room though has everything that one needs, - a comfortable bed, a desk and chair providing a place to write – or even draw because there is usually a lovely watercolor or drawing above it – and a comfortable chair to sit and read. One’s first task is to make up the bed. Once this is done, it’s pleasant to sit down and almost immediately face the reality of how tired one really is.
So before I leave in the early afternoon to join the training of facilitators, I’ll need to clear the clutter of yesterday’s visit from the children, make up my own bed anew, and gather the very few things I’ll need to take, - we’ve been urged to travel light, so that overburdened with concerns and busyness, there is at least a tiny space for “Something More” to begin to penetrate.
O’Donohue started by talking about how spring creeps up and us – and suddenly we see that leaves are out when we hadn’t even noticed their progress, and flowers are blooming everywhere. There was exactly this feeling when my daughter-in-law and the two little boys joined me for a walk in our own garden. Benjamin found a dandelion to blow on and Andre discovered pine cones while Liz and I marvelled over the number of species that were before us. Like spring itself after winters of planning and creating, The Gathering is here.
O’Donahue elaborates that spring thresholds such as this, when applied to our lives, suggest not a smooth transition but something completely different – a radical awakening, so that what emerges from it may have echoes from the past, but also contain a clear break from it. – the “Something More” not being a trivial add-on, but a real change of direction. Will it be for us?
During the day, several associates will enter the small but comfortable rooms of the Guest House that sisters have lovingly made ready. Each room is named after a saint or theological tenet – in truth, most honour the names of parishes who made contributions when the new convent was opened. A woman friend thought it would be fun to stay in the room named for her own parish and asked if this were possible. The administrator gave her a somewhat funny look and responded, “It’s in the men’s wing”. Since the room is named for St. Mary Magdalene, we still wonder if this is appropriate since there seem to be pluses and minuses in either direction. Any Guest House room though has everything that one needs, - a comfortable bed, a desk and chair providing a place to write – or even draw because there is usually a lovely watercolor or drawing above it – and a comfortable chair to sit and read. One’s first task is to make up the bed. Once this is done, it’s pleasant to sit down and almost immediately face the reality of how tired one really is.
So before I leave in the early afternoon to join the training of facilitators, I’ll need to clear the clutter of yesterday’s visit from the children, make up my own bed anew, and gather the very few things I’ll need to take, - we’ve been urged to travel light, so that overburdened with concerns and busyness, there is at least a tiny space for “Something More” to begin to penetrate.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Getting Ready
This morning some associates and oblates are already packing, - and some may even be getting on a plane in anticipation of being on time for The Gathering, starting tomorrow. As an associate I also feel some excitement and pressure to be ready. I have a meeting this morning,and a visit this afternoon from grandchildren and their parents who arrive every Monday; I run interference on the four and a half year old Benjamin and his very active twenty-two month old brother, Andre, whose current favourite phrase is, “No, I want to”. We are challenged to guess what this means in specific contexts. The busy parents will try to catch up on work related chores; and we will have a quick supper before I leave for my meditation group meeting after the six o’clock daily mass at my parish church. That, at least will allow a bit of quiet time to get me in gear for the days ahead.
What will we find at The Gathering? Its title promises “Something More”. Tomorrow, people will arrive all day and register in the lobby. Officially The Gathering will start with Combined Evening Prayer and Compline, followed by a silent supper. At 7:30 in the evening Margaret Silf will offer her first address in the Chapel, - that event which will be open to all Associates and their friends. I was pleased to learn yesterday that one of my meditation group who received an invitation from me, also received one from the Sisters of the Church, where she is an Associate. So we hope that many others in the area can make their way to the Convent to hear Margaret. (The full announcement about it appears below on this blog).
For the next three days, the retreat will fall into a pattern during the day. Breakfast for those in residence will take place at 7:45. Those of us who commute will start our day earlier and I confess to being a bit envious of those who are staying within the convent and can avoid battling the incoming morning traffic. But we will plan to arrive and settle in before Morning Prayer at 8:30 and have a few minutes of respite before Margaret’s first address at 9:30. At 10:15 we will break for coffee and move to other spaces for small group discussion. I have been assigned to be a facilitator of one of the small groups and will have received training early on Tuesday afternoon. We will reassemble in the chapel for the Eucharist at 11:45 followed by a talking dinner in the refectory.
After dinner there is a break. Residents will be able to retreat to their rooms. I’m already wondering where I will go before we reconvene at 2:30. If the weather is good, it is a chance for a walk. The nearby hospital grounds have been a lovely place to sit in the past, but I know that there is construction happening, so it may not be the pastoral and restful place I have known before. But there is also the labyrinth and the large Community library and the quiet and relaxing associates’ one.
Margaret will give her second address at 2:30 followed by a tea break – and that will also mean lots of visits to the washrooms – and the discussion groups will follow. I’m starting to be curious about my discussion group. Meeting individuals and sharing life journeys in places like this is always life changing. We will move to the Chapel for Evensong at 5:00 followed by a silent supper. Attending compline is optional at 8:10. The evening is free for rest or refreshment by meeting with friends, exploring the area, praying the labyrinth, quiet reading – and in my personal case, probably blogging.
I want to try and create a measure of silence during the retreat. It will be easier for me to do so in my own home than for some, who will return to families and other commitments. But I am mindful of a passage from Wayfaring that I read earlier this morning, where Margaret Silf tells a story of her own journey of times apart.
A mentor introduced her to three types of prayer. The first was recitation by the book. This is something that we all know, and at some point sense there is more to it than that.
The second was more elaborate, praying more deeply from the heart, trying to enter imaginatively into the scriptures and making connections. Margaret felt a warm glow, as we all do when we feel as though we are really getting it. Then the mentor added about this group, “They pray about everything except the one burning issue in their lives, - the one thing they don’t want to look at”.
That will be part of the “Something More”, I know. So I will try to shut off the rest of world, - put the Globe and Mails in a stack to be read next Sunday, avoid my computer addiction, - except perhaps to follow Suzanne Lawson and Bishop Sue Moxley prayerfully as they participate in the Anglican Consultative Council, - enter into the quiet of the week and let God be there.
Norah Bolton, Associate
Postscript:
Members are invited to post comments or ask questions. The beauty of the blogosphere is that communication is two way.
What will we find at The Gathering? Its title promises “Something More”. Tomorrow, people will arrive all day and register in the lobby. Officially The Gathering will start with Combined Evening Prayer and Compline, followed by a silent supper. At 7:30 in the evening Margaret Silf will offer her first address in the Chapel, - that event which will be open to all Associates and their friends. I was pleased to learn yesterday that one of my meditation group who received an invitation from me, also received one from the Sisters of the Church, where she is an Associate. So we hope that many others in the area can make their way to the Convent to hear Margaret. (The full announcement about it appears below on this blog).
For the next three days, the retreat will fall into a pattern during the day. Breakfast for those in residence will take place at 7:45. Those of us who commute will start our day earlier and I confess to being a bit envious of those who are staying within the convent and can avoid battling the incoming morning traffic. But we will plan to arrive and settle in before Morning Prayer at 8:30 and have a few minutes of respite before Margaret’s first address at 9:30. At 10:15 we will break for coffee and move to other spaces for small group discussion. I have been assigned to be a facilitator of one of the small groups and will have received training early on Tuesday afternoon. We will reassemble in the chapel for the Eucharist at 11:45 followed by a talking dinner in the refectory.
After dinner there is a break. Residents will be able to retreat to their rooms. I’m already wondering where I will go before we reconvene at 2:30. If the weather is good, it is a chance for a walk. The nearby hospital grounds have been a lovely place to sit in the past, but I know that there is construction happening, so it may not be the pastoral and restful place I have known before. But there is also the labyrinth and the large Community library and the quiet and relaxing associates’ one.
Margaret will give her second address at 2:30 followed by a tea break – and that will also mean lots of visits to the washrooms – and the discussion groups will follow. I’m starting to be curious about my discussion group. Meeting individuals and sharing life journeys in places like this is always life changing. We will move to the Chapel for Evensong at 5:00 followed by a silent supper. Attending compline is optional at 8:10. The evening is free for rest or refreshment by meeting with friends, exploring the area, praying the labyrinth, quiet reading – and in my personal case, probably blogging.
I want to try and create a measure of silence during the retreat. It will be easier for me to do so in my own home than for some, who will return to families and other commitments. But I am mindful of a passage from Wayfaring that I read earlier this morning, where Margaret Silf tells a story of her own journey of times apart.
A mentor introduced her to three types of prayer. The first was recitation by the book. This is something that we all know, and at some point sense there is more to it than that.
The second was more elaborate, praying more deeply from the heart, trying to enter imaginatively into the scriptures and making connections. Margaret felt a warm glow, as we all do when we feel as though we are really getting it. Then the mentor added about this group, “They pray about everything except the one burning issue in their lives, - the one thing they don’t want to look at”.
That will be part of the “Something More”, I know. So I will try to shut off the rest of world, - put the Globe and Mails in a stack to be read next Sunday, avoid my computer addiction, - except perhaps to follow Suzanne Lawson and Bishop Sue Moxley prayerfully as they participate in the Anglican Consultative Council, - enter into the quiet of the week and let God be there.
Norah Bolton, Associate
Postscript:
Members are invited to post comments or ask questions. The beauty of the blogosphere is that communication is two way.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Introducing Margaret Silf, Retreat Leader
Those of us who have read Margaret’s books already know a little about her – but the biography that she is presenting to the participants was one that she terms “chatty”. One can hear her speaking in it. I was amused to realize the other day that I hear her speaking in my mind with a Canadian accent – so I probably need to start getting used to a British one.
Margaret tells us that she was born and educated in Sheffield, was an only child, and earned a BA from London University and an MA from Keele University. She served as a technical writer in the computer industry until 2000 when she left her job to devote her time to writing and leading retreats. She is a wife, mother and grandmother, - so she will probably have some of these in common with many of the participants.
Her faith journey is varied. Though her family was not religious, she was baptized as a Methodist, confirmed as a teenager in the Church of England and received into the Roman Catholic Church at the age of 20. From there she drifted for 10 years before returning to the church. She now regards herself as an ecumenical Christian, comfortable in many traditions, but at the same time a “boundary dweller” as far as the institutional church is concerned. As a life long Anglican who is heavily involved in the church at parish, diocesan and currently even national levels, I find this interesting and challenging. Even for those of us who remain within the institutional church, there are probably few who don’t also experience frustration with it – so this is an area where I am really looking forward to hearing what she has to say.
I am also interested in her views about our place in the wider scheme of things. She is keen to explore the relationship between what she terms the “Christic vision” and the unfolding story of science, that she explores so well in her book, Roots and Wings. This was one of the books recommended to participants to read in advance. The other was Wayfaring, a Gospel Journey in Everyday Life, which I am reading now. In the latter book, she does a wonderful job of encouraging us to imagine ourselves as participants in the Gospel stories – not to revert to first century Bible Land, but to try to come to terms with the issues of growing and moving forward both personally and globally.
Margaret loves travelling. Meeting people obviously enriches her. I hope meeting all of us will contribute both to her own journey and to ours.
Margaret tells us that she was born and educated in Sheffield, was an only child, and earned a BA from London University and an MA from Keele University. She served as a technical writer in the computer industry until 2000 when she left her job to devote her time to writing and leading retreats. She is a wife, mother and grandmother, - so she will probably have some of these in common with many of the participants.
Her faith journey is varied. Though her family was not religious, she was baptized as a Methodist, confirmed as a teenager in the Church of England and received into the Roman Catholic Church at the age of 20. From there she drifted for 10 years before returning to the church. She now regards herself as an ecumenical Christian, comfortable in many traditions, but at the same time a “boundary dweller” as far as the institutional church is concerned. As a life long Anglican who is heavily involved in the church at parish, diocesan and currently even national levels, I find this interesting and challenging. Even for those of us who remain within the institutional church, there are probably few who don’t also experience frustration with it – so this is an area where I am really looking forward to hearing what she has to say.
I am also interested in her views about our place in the wider scheme of things. She is keen to explore the relationship between what she terms the “Christic vision” and the unfolding story of science, that she explores so well in her book, Roots and Wings. This was one of the books recommended to participants to read in advance. The other was Wayfaring, a Gospel Journey in Everyday Life, which I am reading now. In the latter book, she does a wonderful job of encouraging us to imagine ourselves as participants in the Gospel stories – not to revert to first century Bible Land, but to try to come to terms with the issues of growing and moving forward both personally and globally.
Margaret loves travelling. Meeting people obviously enriches her. I hope meeting all of us will contribute both to her own journey and to ours.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
The start of the Journey
The notion of blogging a retreat may seem like a contradiction. It grew out of the desire to share The Gathering with the whole of the Associates and Oblates of SSJD, many of whom would like to attend the event, but are prevented from doing so for a number of valid reasons. So these daily writings are meant to give you some sense of participation.
A favourite prayer that I have learned from the Sisters is the one of Thomas Merton’s that begins:
My Lord God I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me; I cannot know for certain where it will end.
This is indeed true, - both somewhat exhilarating and at the same time somewhat frightening. But of course that is true of the whole human journey, not just a five day retreat.
What is possible is to describe a bit of the past. The first meeting of the Gathering Committee took place in September of 2007. The planning committee was a group of sisters, associates and oblates including myself – probably the newest associate in the group.
The idea of a theme of “Something More” met immediate approval and we were pleased to hear that Margaret Silf had been already been confirmed as retreat leader a year ago in 2006. We immediately agreed that the Gathering should be both educational and inspirational. Margaret would provide both these aspects, but we needed to see how we could enhance them. We agreed that we should follow the regular SSJD horarium, the regular pattern of worship (morning prayer, eucharist, evening prayer and compline) as well as the balance of a Benedictine life that included prayer, work, study and relaxation. Working out this latter part would form much of our work in the next two years.
I have participated in many conference planning groups but there are few that were as spirited and effective as this one. It combined sisters, associates and oblates. No detail was too small to capture our attention, but it was easy to build consensus because of our common desire to address a multitude of needs. A schedule fell into place very early. Within the framework of the daily liturgies there would be lectures by Margaret, meals – some in silence, some with conversation, and small group discussions. Evenings on two of the days would be free. There would also be an evening of light entertainment. The pattern would allow for both individual reflection and the building of community.
Sister Elizabeth, who chaired the meetings might have wished that SSJD had chosen a different symbol. The Eagle eyes of the committee swooped down on every line of the application form, where we tried to make sure that the promotion was clear and understandable. We went public with the event at Michaelmas 2008 to announce the Gathering as a significant part of the SSJD anniversary year. Later we discussed the worship for the Gathering and were pleased to see a variety of forms of worship, celebrants and music emerge. There were also opportunities for those attending to add their own gifts.
The schedule is complete, the promotion has gone out and generated a response, the participants arrive in Toronto on Monday and Tuesday and we begin our journey. While I have been on short overnight retreats and quiet days at the convent – and have led quiet days for the last two years – a retreat of this focus and magnitude is a new experience for me. So I am looking forward to experiencing it and sharing it.
Merton’s prayer continues . . .
I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself and the fact that I think I am following your will does not always mean that I am actually following it. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing.
A favourite prayer that I have learned from the Sisters is the one of Thomas Merton’s that begins:
My Lord God I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me; I cannot know for certain where it will end.
This is indeed true, - both somewhat exhilarating and at the same time somewhat frightening. But of course that is true of the whole human journey, not just a five day retreat.
What is possible is to describe a bit of the past. The first meeting of the Gathering Committee took place in September of 2007. The planning committee was a group of sisters, associates and oblates including myself – probably the newest associate in the group.
The idea of a theme of “Something More” met immediate approval and we were pleased to hear that Margaret Silf had been already been confirmed as retreat leader a year ago in 2006. We immediately agreed that the Gathering should be both educational and inspirational. Margaret would provide both these aspects, but we needed to see how we could enhance them. We agreed that we should follow the regular SSJD horarium, the regular pattern of worship (morning prayer, eucharist, evening prayer and compline) as well as the balance of a Benedictine life that included prayer, work, study and relaxation. Working out this latter part would form much of our work in the next two years.
I have participated in many conference planning groups but there are few that were as spirited and effective as this one. It combined sisters, associates and oblates. No detail was too small to capture our attention, but it was easy to build consensus because of our common desire to address a multitude of needs. A schedule fell into place very early. Within the framework of the daily liturgies there would be lectures by Margaret, meals – some in silence, some with conversation, and small group discussions. Evenings on two of the days would be free. There would also be an evening of light entertainment. The pattern would allow for both individual reflection and the building of community.
Sister Elizabeth, who chaired the meetings might have wished that SSJD had chosen a different symbol. The Eagle eyes of the committee swooped down on every line of the application form, where we tried to make sure that the promotion was clear and understandable. We went public with the event at Michaelmas 2008 to announce the Gathering as a significant part of the SSJD anniversary year. Later we discussed the worship for the Gathering and were pleased to see a variety of forms of worship, celebrants and music emerge. There were also opportunities for those attending to add their own gifts.
The schedule is complete, the promotion has gone out and generated a response, the participants arrive in Toronto on Monday and Tuesday and we begin our journey. While I have been on short overnight retreats and quiet days at the convent – and have led quiet days for the last two years – a retreat of this focus and magnitude is a new experience for me. So I am looking forward to experiencing it and sharing it.
Merton’s prayer continues . . .
I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself and the fact that I think I am following your will does not always mean that I am actually following it. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing.
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