Friday - Julian of Norwich

While I promised that I wouldn't post anything from Friday, I'll include a couple of items before getting on the road. Saturday traffic should provide a quicker trip than the earlier ones. Pictures also are worth a thousand words. As you can see, one participant knew how to dress for the occasion.

I also want to return to Christal Joy's pin and its story - in her own words. She also dressed for the occasion and it was wonderful to see her on Friday morning.



Here is the story of the button in her own words:

We are one in the spirit



While on a retreat at the Convent of ths Sisterhood of St. John the Divine in April, 2007 several Celtic Knots were given to me to color as a way of praying contemplatively. It took me 3 1/2 hours to colour this particular one while praying the whole time. As I did the colouring I found that the Celtic Knot design lent itself to my being able to bring my Native traditional beliefs and my new found Faith in Christ together.

I used yellow, red, black, white, blue, and purple. The traditional colours of yellow, red, black and white, represent the four directions and also the nations of the world being united in one circle. The purple or lavender, I have recently learned, represents the Grandmothers or Elders. The white represents wisdom.

As I was colouring the cross purple, I realized it symbolized the suffering and death of Jesus on the cross with the white cross in the centre representing Jesus' resurrection and ascension into heaven.

As I prayed with the design, God gave me more understanding. The blue colour of the knot is the colour of the habit the Sisters wear. The "knot" also symbolizes the different paths we take in life. It is the thread given to the Israelites to remind them and me of how Awesome God is.

The outer blue circle is God's all-encompassing Love for me and the love I am called to give to others. The white cross in the centre symbolizes Christ as the Centre of My Life. The Buttons are called 'We are One in the Spirit'.

Being able to share this with others is my way of thanking God for all God has done for me.

***

There is much more to come but I wanted you to have this to reflect and ponder on as you enjoy your morning coffee.

Thursday

A good trip up Bayview Avenue in the rain allowed me to make Matins on time. It was lovely. There was a serenity that suggested an atmosphere of restfulness and the plainchant was well sung – especially when some participants were not familiar with it. We were praying for the unity of the church, part of the common practice of the Community each Thursday and marked by a special light on the altar which remains there for the entire day. We now have settled into the rhythm of the life of the convent.



Sr. Elizabeth’s morning announcements started by explaining the additional light on the altar – just in case we missed it the first time, - and also explained an important part of The Gathering that I meant to mention before now. Each of us were given a beautifully designed button to wear during the conference and you may notice it in some of the photos. But we were blessed with a large easier to photograph version as a frontal on the lectern, - complete with flowers matching its colours. It was a gift from participant, Chrystal Joy who designed it in an earlier workshop to represent her integration of her faith and her. There is a wonderful note from her describing the symbolism, which I’ll try to post here at the end of the week. Suffice it for now to say that it represents the fact that We are One in the Spirit. What a gift from this remarkable young participant. This is the design and she is on the left in the next picture.



The pictures here and on the SSJD site will reveal that there are a variety of women attending of all ages – and one man, who is part of my discussion group. We were pleased today when he remarked that he did not feel marginalized or harassed by the rest of us and he has been an excellent and moving contributor.



Margaret’s topic for the morning was “More than Happiness”. She noted how we often settle for the good instead of the better, comfortable and even content in our usual ruts. Happiness, though is not the same as joy. The latter she described as “forever” or “kingfisher” moments, flashes of eternity impinging on ordinary events. They come to us uninvited when we are open to receive them and they are transformaational and imprinted on our memories. This was borne out in our later discussion group when we shared examples, many of which came from our early childhoods.



She asked us to think more deeply about two human experiences, spiritual consolation and spiritual desolation. “Console” is derived from the Spanish for “with the sun” while desolation is “away from the sun”. She then told of a memorable experience of her own under the direction of Jesuit, Gerald O’Malley. He reduced the light in a room about the size of the chapel where we were sitting to a single light, and asked one of the participants to stand with his back to the light. He then asked those present to look where the shadow fell. They saw it was in front of the person. He then asked the person to walk the full length of the room. The person focused on his own shadow. He then asked the person to turn around. Suddenly he was bathed in light, - and the shadow was behind him. It is important to notice, Margaret reminded us, that the shadow had not disappeared. It is always there. But you need only to turn to gain a new perspective. The source of the light is God. Life is not a continuous walking toward it for anyone, but a constant challenge to turn from the focus on our own shadow. We were encouraged to become better acquainted with St. Ignatius and his understanding of how consolation brings a sense of peace.

She contrasted the group that was present, whom she had no doubt had already made a fundamental choice to align themselves with the dream of God for them, with those who make the choice of focus on themselves. Financial and career success, climbing the ladder and stepping over others can even create a comfort zone, but underneath there will always be the turmoil of the shadow of desolation.

Once the choice for God is made, it does not guarantee that darkness will never fall. It is then that we need the compass, the inner direction of the heart and a sense of trust, no matter what the temporary turmoil. She retold the story from one of her books of the Native American grandfather who, when asked for a story by his small grandson, said, “There were two wolves who lived on the same mountain. One was good and one was bad. That’s the end”. Not surprisingly the child said, “But which one wins?”. The grandfather responded, “The one you feed”.

Which self grows? Which one becomes less dominant? Margaret suggested that the review prayer, referenced yesterday is a good shortcut to check which wolf we are feeding. She also asked us to reflect one how our individual actions have a larger application for society as a whole. Which actions are allowing the world to become more human and fully alive and which actions dehumanize us? We were asked to go to our groups and focus upon and share moments of consolation. We did to great advantage.

The celebrant and preacher at the Eucharist today was Sister Constance Joanna. She rejoiced in the history of the community and appreciated how the previous gathering in 1995 had brought positive change. She invited us to imagine ourselves as a “Good Household”. What unites us is our ability to see Christ in one another and our ability to reach out and heal the world. Like any extended family we are very human with the ability to complain, pout and sulk, but our first strength is the power to be a community of loving witness, to recognize its shortcomings and recommit to Christ in love and forgiveness. The second strength is recognition of different gifts and ability to live with differences. The third strength is dedication to a sacrificial mission The fourth is being rooted in prayer. Finally the strength is the Community’s ability to grow and change, - evident particularly in the active presence and work of volunteers and the addition of Oblates – a vocation that is itself an evolving and creative presence.




A second talking dinner allowed us to meet others and enjoy the Community’s gracious hospitality. The rain cooperated by staying away just long enough for outdoor walks. Some took advantage of the labyrinth, and the bookstore beckoned with competing delights. We heard at afternoon announcements that Margaret had agreed to a book signing on Friday. And we were again reminded of our need to provide entertainment for Friday night’s party. Comments on the blog were also encouraged. You do not have to sign it to add them, - though you are asked to type in a few letters, just so that the system knows that you are a human and not a spammer.



Margaret’s theme for the afternoon was “More than ‘Just Me’.” She reminded us how often we are going to do something “as soon as I - fill in the blank with, retire, have enough money, have enough energy or any phrase of your choice. We all do it. Another way of approaching it is considering a “Really Big Thing” and then saying “But”. There are really two choices, - you can do something completely different or you can do the same thing differently.

Then there is the matter of reproach. She admitted to herself telling Jesus, - "You didn’t have to deal with being a woman, you didn’t have to deal with being married, you didn’t have to deal with being a parent worrying about whether your kids were on drugs, you didn’t have to be worried about being immobile, you didn’t have to worry about getting old." The answer that gradually came to her was that being incarnate really means getting inside every human situation. We have to let God into them.

She likes returning to the four elements – the mediaeval world made sense of them:

Earth is walked upon and accepts; it is also where seeds grow. But it can also result in landslides or earthquakes
Water flows to the lowest plain; but it can also become a flood or tsunami.
Air is invisible yet life giving, but it can also become a tornado.
Fire warms us, cooks or food, provides us with pottery, but bushfires can destroy.

The elements have no choice, - but we do. We can accept what we cannot change, be open to what is best and life giving, and know which is which. An option is to say, What would Jesus do, but in looking for a rule there is a danger in settling for what we were planning to do anyway, what we just wanted to do. She had a nice story of a bad woman driver who was pulled off the road –(If you have seen that dreadful woman in the persistent commercial, you know the type) – and the policeman said, We saw the fish symbol on your car so we assume that it is stolen”. But "How would Jesus drive?" doesn’t exactly cut it”.

The real question is – What is life giving and Christ like? The remedy is gospel saturation. There are four good stories of how Jesus lived. What we are looking for is attitudes and values and the grace to internalize them. Getting inside the gospels means the gospels getting inside us and making a home there. This is not a matter for the intellect or even theology. There are other places to ask what happened or how it happened. What we have to ask is – what do the gospels have to say in my situation. We have to allow Jesus in. Imagining oneself in the scene and put one’s self in the role of all the people in the story helps. So does Lectio Divina where meditating on a short passage and taking it through the day and making connections are resources for our toolkits.

Margaret reminded is that our choices have implications for others besides ourselves. Sometimes a choice brings reconciliation with others. She ended with an explanation of her pendant made from shards of Ming China teacups raised from a sailing ship that was wrecked hundreds of years ago in a battle between Dutch and Portuguese ships. A merchant in the far east decided that they could be made into jewellery. He was a Dutch emigrant with a Portuguese wife. The design was a lotus flower. A lotus is rooted in mud which blossoms when it reaches the light. The seed of the past became a healing bud of the present to blossom in the future. We too can create something more.

Evensong, dinner, a quick trip back to my own apartment hermitage – where I now have to think about a skit for tomorrow. The evening isn't over yet. Friday will bring a later night and Saturday the final day. So I'll sign off until the weekend when you will get a full report of the last two days.

At the Threshold

Last evening, our meditation group was down to two – though there were more at the preceding service. We always start with a reading, so being read to was almost like reverting to the time when I was eight or nine, but still enjoyed hearing a story in a parent’s voice. The choice of the reader was a simply marvelous and pertinent passage from a book by John O’Donohue called Bless the Space between Us, A Book of Blessings.







O’Donohue started by talking about how spring creeps up and us – and suddenly we see that leaves are out when we hadn’t even noticed their progress, and flowers are blooming everywhere. There was exactly this feeling when my daughter-in-law and the two little boys joined me for a walk in our own garden. Benjamin found a dandelion to blow on and Andre discovered pine cones while Liz and I marvelled over the number of species that were before us. Like spring itself after winters of planning and creating, The Gathering is here.





O’Donahue elaborates that spring thresholds such as this, when applied to our lives, suggest not a smooth transition but something completely different – a radical awakening, so that what emerges from it may have echoes from the past, but also contain a clear break from it. – the “Something More” not being a trivial add-on, but a real change of direction. Will it be for us?



During the day, several associates will enter the small but comfortable rooms of the Guest House that sisters have lovingly made ready. Each room is named after a saint or theological tenet – in truth, most honour the names of parishes who made contributions when the new convent was opened. A woman friend thought it would be fun to stay in the room named for her own parish and asked if this were possible. The administrator gave her a somewhat funny look and responded, “It’s in the men’s wing”. Since the room is named for St. Mary Magdalene, we still wonder if this is appropriate since there seem to be pluses and minuses in either direction. Any Guest House room though has everything that one needs, - a comfortable bed, a desk and chair providing a place to write – or even draw because there is usually a lovely watercolor or drawing above it – and a comfortable chair to sit and read. One’s first task is to make up the bed. Once this is done, it’s pleasant to sit down and almost immediately face the reality of how tired one really is.

So before I leave in the early afternoon to join the training of facilitators, I’ll need to clear the clutter of yesterday’s visit from the children, make up my own bed anew, and gather the very few things I’ll need to take, - we’ve been urged to travel light, so that overburdened with concerns and busyness, there is at least a tiny space for “Something More” to begin to penetrate.

Getting Ready

This morning some associates and oblates are already packing, - and some may even be getting on a plane in anticipation of being on time for The Gathering, starting tomorrow. As an associate I also feel some excitement and pressure to be ready. I have a meeting this morning,and a visit this afternoon from grandchildren and their parents who arrive every Monday; I run interference on the four and a half year old Benjamin and his very active twenty-two month old brother, Andre, whose current favourite phrase is, “No, I want to”. We are challenged to guess what this means in specific contexts. The busy parents will try to catch up on work related chores; and we will have a quick supper before I leave for my meditation group meeting after the six o’clock daily mass at my parish church. That, at least will allow a bit of quiet time to get me in gear for the days ahead.


What will we find at The Gathering? Its title promises “Something More”. Tomorrow, people will arrive all day and register in the lobby. Officially The Gathering will start with Combined Evening Prayer and Compline, followed by a silent supper. At 7:30 in the evening Margaret Silf will offer her first address in the Chapel, - that event which will be open to all Associates and their friends. I was pleased to learn yesterday that one of my meditation group who received an invitation from me, also received one from the Sisters of the Church, where she is an Associate. So we hope that many others in the area can make their way to the Convent to hear Margaret. (The full announcement about it appears below on this blog).


For the next three days, the retreat will fall into a pattern during the day. Breakfast for those in residence will take place at 7:45. Those of us who commute will start our day earlier and I confess to being a bit envious of those who are staying within the convent and can avoid battling the incoming morning traffic. But we will plan to arrive and settle in before Morning Prayer at 8:30 and have a few minutes of respite before Margaret’s first address at 9:30. At 10:15 we will break for coffee and move to other spaces for small group discussion. I have been assigned to be a facilitator of one of the small groups and will have received training early on Tuesday afternoon. We will reassemble in the chapel for the Eucharist at 11:45 followed by a talking dinner in the refectory.


After dinner there is a break. Residents will be able to retreat to their rooms. I’m already wondering where I will go before we reconvene at 2:30. If the weather is good, it is a chance for a walk. The nearby hospital grounds have been a lovely place to sit in the past, but I know that there is construction happening, so it may not be the pastoral and restful place I have known before. But there is also the labyrinth and the large Community library and the quiet and relaxing associates’ one.


Margaret will give her second address at 2:30 followed by a tea break – and that will also mean lots of visits to the washrooms – and the discussion groups will follow. I’m starting to be curious about my discussion group. Meeting individuals and sharing life journeys in places like this is always life changing. We will move to the Chapel for Evensong at 5:00 followed by a silent supper. Attending compline is optional at 8:10. The evening is free for rest or refreshment by meeting with friends, exploring the area, praying the labyrinth, quiet reading – and in my personal case, probably blogging.


I want to try and create a measure of silence during the retreat. It will be easier for me to do so in my own home than for some, who will return to families and other commitments. But I am mindful of a passage from Wayfaring that I read earlier this morning, where Margaret Silf tells a story of her own journey of times apart.


A mentor introduced her to three types of prayer. The first was recitation by the book. This is something that we all know, and at some point sense there is more to it than that.


The second was more elaborate, praying more deeply from the heart, trying to enter imaginatively into the scriptures and making connections. Margaret felt a warm glow, as we all do when we feel as though we are really getting it. Then the mentor added about this group, “They pray about everything except the one burning issue in their lives, - the one thing they don’t want to look at”.


That will be part of the “Something More”, I know. So I will try to shut off the rest of world, - put the Globe and Mails in a stack to be read next Sunday, avoid my computer addiction, - except perhaps to follow Suzanne Lawson and Bishop Sue Moxley prayerfully as they participate in the Anglican Consultative Council, - enter into the quiet of the week and let God be there.

Norah Bolton, Associate

Postscript:
Members are invited to post comments or ask questions. The beauty of the blogosphere is that communication is two way.

Introducing Margaret Silf, Retreat Leader

Those of us who have read Margaret’s books already know a little about her – but the biography that she is presenting to the participants was one that she terms “chatty”. One can hear her speaking in it. I was amused to realize the other day that I hear her speaking in my mind with a Canadian accent – so I probably need to start getting used to a British one.

Margaret tells us that she was born and educated in Sheffield, was an only child, and earned a BA from London University and an MA from Keele University. She served as a technical writer in the computer industry until 2000 when she left her job to devote her time to writing and leading retreats. She is a wife, mother and grandmother, - so she will probably have some of these in common with many of the participants.

Her faith journey is varied. Though her family was not religious, she was baptized as a Methodist, confirmed as a teenager in the Church of England and received into the Roman Catholic Church at the age of 20. From there she drifted for 10 years before returning to the church. She now regards herself as an ecumenical Christian, comfortable in many traditions, but at the same time a “boundary dweller” as far as the institutional church is concerned. As a life long Anglican who is heavily involved in the church at parish, diocesan and currently even national levels, I find this interesting and challenging. Even for those of us who remain within the institutional church, there are probably few who don’t also experience frustration with it – so this is an area where I am really looking forward to hearing what she has to say.

I am also interested in her views about our place in the wider scheme of things. She is keen to explore the relationship between what she terms the “Christic vision” and the unfolding story of science, that she explores so well in her book, Roots and Wings. This was one of the books recommended to participants to read in advance. The other was Wayfaring, a Gospel Journey in Everyday Life, which I am reading now. In the latter book, she does a wonderful job of encouraging us to imagine ourselves as participants in the Gospel stories – not to revert to first century Bible Land, but to try to come to terms with the issues of growing and moving forward both personally and globally.
Margaret loves travelling. Meeting people obviously enriches her. I hope meeting all of us will contribute both to her own journey and to ours.

The start of the Journey

The notion of blogging a retreat may seem like a contradiction. It grew out of the desire to share The Gathering with the whole of the Associates and Oblates of SSJD, many of whom would like to attend the event, but are prevented from doing so for a number of valid reasons. So these daily writings are meant to give you some sense of participation.

A favourite prayer that I have learned from the Sisters is the one of Thomas Merton’s that begins:

My Lord God I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me; I cannot know for certain where it will end.

This is indeed true, - both somewhat exhilarating and at the same time somewhat frightening. But of course that is true of the whole human journey, not just a five day retreat.

What is possible is to describe a bit of the past. The first meeting of the Gathering Committee took place in September of 2007. The planning committee was a group of sisters, associates and oblates including myself – probably the newest associate in the group.

The idea of a theme of “Something More” met immediate approval and we were pleased to hear that Margaret Silf had been already been confirmed as retreat leader a year ago in 2006. We immediately agreed that the Gathering should be both educational and inspirational. Margaret would provide both these aspects, but we needed to see how we could enhance them. We agreed that we should follow the regular SSJD horarium, the regular pattern of worship (morning prayer, eucharist, evening prayer and compline) as well as the balance of a Benedictine life that included prayer, work, study and relaxation. Working out this latter part would form much of our work in the next two years.

I have participated in many conference planning groups but there are few that were as spirited and effective as this one. It combined sisters, associates and oblates. No detail was too small to capture our attention, but it was easy to build consensus because of our common desire to address a multitude of needs. A schedule fell into place very early. Within the framework of the daily liturgies there would be lectures by Margaret, meals – some in silence, some with conversation, and small group discussions. Evenings on two of the days would be free. There would also be an evening of light entertainment. The pattern would allow for both individual reflection and the building of community.

Sister Elizabeth, who chaired the meetings might have wished that SSJD had chosen a different symbol. The Eagle eyes of the committee swooped down on every line of the application form, where we tried to make sure that the promotion was clear and understandable. We went public with the event at Michaelmas 2008 to announce the Gathering as a significant part of the SSJD anniversary year. Later we discussed the worship for the Gathering and were pleased to see a variety of forms of worship, celebrants and music emerge. There were also opportunities for those attending to add their own gifts.

The schedule is complete, the promotion has gone out and generated a response, the participants arrive in Toronto on Monday and Tuesday and we begin our journey. While I have been on short overnight retreats and quiet days at the convent – and have led quiet days for the last two years – a retreat of this focus and magnitude is a new experience for me. So I am looking forward to experiencing it and sharing it.

Merton’s prayer continues . . .

I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself and the fact that I think I am following your will does not always mean that I am actually following it. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing.